Courtesy of the author
- I loved sleepovers growing up and wanted my kids to enjoy the experience too. My kids started going to and hosting sleepovers when they were in kindergarten. They knew they could call me at any point and I'd pick them up.
When I was growing up, sleepovers were a rite of passage. Although sleepovers are now a controversial topic, I didn't want to deny my kids the same experiences I had.
I let them start having sleepovers as kindergartners, but we put one important non-negotiable rule in place.
I loved sleepovers growing up
Some of my fondest childhood memories involve shimmying into my sleeping bag, holding a flashlight, and laughing with my friends until our eyes became too heavy with happy exhaustion to keep them open any longer.
During these sleepovers, my friends and I watched movies, played games, and snuck snacks late into the night. Many of the rules my friends and I dutifully followed in our everyday lives vanished once the sun went down. Often, we had no bedtime, and junk food was no longer off-limits.
I loved sleepovers so much that I requested a slumber party to celebrate every birthday.
Once I became a parent, I looked forward to hosting sleepovers
As a parent, I looked forward to my children experiencing the same joy that sleepovers had brought me as a child. As kindergarteners, they already had strong friendships. I knew most of the parents of their close friends well, and I started inviting their friends to spend the night.
Some parents thought their kids were too young to start sleepovers in kindergarten, but others gladly allowed their kids to spend the night on a futon in my basement, appreciating the freedom to have a date night or spend one-on-one time with a sibling without having to hire a sitter. Watching my kids enjoy pizza and movies past their bedtime always brought a smile to my face.
More kids than I can count had their first sleepover at my house, and I loved that so many parents and kids felt so comfortable with my family.
My kids started sleeping at friends' houses, too
At first, my kids preferred hosting sleepovers at our house, where they felt most comfortable. I never pushed my kids to sleep over someone else's house. However, I let them know that whenever they were ready, their friends were eager to host them for the night. Before their kindergarten year was over, each of my kids decided to pack their bags, grab their pillows, and have their first sleepover.
There is one non-negotiable rule my kids had to follow
As a 5-year-old, my daughter and I made the walk down the block and around the corner together for her first sleepover. She told me that she was equal parts nervous and excited.
I reminded her of my one non-negotiable rule she had to follow.
No matter what, if she started to feel uncomfortable for any reason, even in the middle of the night, she had to call me and let me know she wanted to be picked up.
My kids know that I will always pick them up from sleepovers any time
To make both my kids and me feel better, whenever they head out for a sleepover, whether as kindergartners or teens, I remind them that I will pick them up, no questions asked. This reassures both of us.
When my kids were younger, I always let the host parents know that I expected my kids to be able to use the phone to call me at any hour, even if that meant waking them up in the middle of the night. No one ever took issue with this request. If they had, I would have called off the sleepover immediately.
Now that my kids are older, they have their own phones and know they can, and should, use them if they want to leave a sleepover. My kids all know that when they are at sleepovers, I leave my phone on all night in case they need me. They also know that if they want an easy out, I will take the blame, telling the host family that there is a family emergency or an important event I had forgotten about so they don't need to feel embarrassed about being picked up or feel as though they owe a host family an explanation that might make them feel uncomfortable.
I keep my word
Most sleepovers go off without a hitch. However, when my son was in sixth grade, my phone started ringing in the middle of the night. Groggily, I picked up to hear my son telling me he wanted to come home right away. I got in the car in my pajamas to pick him up, letting my son know that he didn't have to tell me what had happened, but that I was glad he called. I told him that I would tell the host family that I needed him to come home, but wouldn't elaborate.
Weeks later, my son told me that he had gotten into what, in hindsight, was a minor disagreement with one of the boys at the sleepover. I reassured him that he did the right thing by calling the moment he felt uncomfortable.
I was relieved that my years of telling my kids they could leave a sleepover anytime they wanted to come home had sunk in.
