Published on December 9, 2024 5:10 AM GMT
There is a cognitive process going on that can be recognized as such by some of its collections of subprocesses (i.e. - some humans).
Theoretical physicists sometimes refer to this cognitive process as the “information level”. However, some human cognitive processes should be able to recognize that there is not just “information” but actual processing going on at a base level. This is evident because of our existence.
This "original" cognitive process created, and continues to create, our universe by coding for the arrow of time, the subatomic particles (mass, charge, spin), the four forces (that started out unified), the constants (speed of light, Planck’s constant, electron-to-proton mass ratio, etc.), the nature of spacetime (like how mass-energy affects the curvature of spacetime), quantum fields, etc.
As time progressed at various rates in our universe (depending on the curvature of spacetime in any particular region), there were atoms of increasing size (hydrogen, helium...), stars, “rocky planets”, molecules, etc.
On our planet, after a “really long time”, life began to form. (As you can see, I’m going down a path here, and leaving out an infinite amount of extraneous information.)
There were prokaryotes, eukaryotes, and then multicellular organisms. There were plants and then animals. (I’m ignoring things like archaebacteria, viruses, and fungi. Again, I’m choosing one path because that’s all I can do.)
Continuing on the “animals” path, there were invertebrates, vertebrates, mammals, primates, and eventually Homo sapiens, which we’ll just call humans. (I can use the general word “humans” for Homo sapiens, because we’ve killed off, or otherwise become without, anything else that we might consider human.)
Humans have evolved to be the way they are, and do the things they do, as a result of evolution through natural selection (i.e.- the fundamental “goal” is to propagate the “self” forward).
And so each human is a collection of processes. These processes include what we call the nervous system. The nervous system includes cognitive processes.
(Keep in mind that these cognitive processes, like everything else in the universe, are technically a subset of the original cognitive processes, so you might not need to be as upset about “death” of your “self” as you once were. As to this universe, it's like a thought experiment, so it doesn't technically matter. On the other hand, it also might be fun to have one’s brain preserved, have it electron-micrographed in the future, and then digitized, just so you can stick around and watch the whole show unfold. Bring popcorn.)
A human’s cognitive processes include aconscious processes, conscious processes, and a continuum between the two extremes. Conscious processes include emotions.
Here is a personal anecdote (case study) regarding one human, with a focus of their cognitive processes:
When I emerged out of my mother’s vagina on October 13th, 1971, I already had many cognitive processes running (just like any other baby that is born). Most of my early cognitive processes were aconscious processes. Some were conscious processes.
I consumed resources and became enlarged. My cognitive processes continued to run and develop.
During adolescence, I began to suffer from depression. This was partly because I have an X chromosome, and there was an evolutionary advantage to humans with X chromosomes feeling more “sadness”. However, in today’s civilization, the sadness is just a pain in the ass.
At the age of 27, I mated with a male human, and we produced two offspring. The first, a male, went to Princeton (my plug to impress you). He became a software engineer at Google who worked on machine learning projects until recently realizing his time could be better spent on other activities. (I honestly don't know whether you'll be impressed or dismayed by that fact.) The second child, a female, is still in college. Like me, and partially on account of her X chromosome, she also suffers from depression. This hinders her cognitive processes. I hope she will be able to finish college, so she suffers less in life, and will ultimately continue to self-propagate.
In 2017, I was diagnosed as being in a prodromal stage of a synucleinopathy. I began to think about and fear death more than I previously did.
In December of 2021, I was diagnosed with treatment-resistant depression.
In January of 2022, a doctor prescribed esketamine to treat my treatment-resistant depression.
Esketamine works by blocking NMDA receptors. This increases glutamate activity, which increases neuroplasticity. This increases many conscious cognitive processes.
These twice-weekly and then once-weekly treatments allowed some of my previously-suppressed/depressed cognitive processes to “come back online” for short periods of time.
When my cognitive processes were fully-functioning, my cognitive-appraisal processes ("metacognitive" processes? or are we all just tired of "meta" everything?) delivered positive messages and I felt positive emotions again.
Often, during these reprieves, I would begin writing in order to share my cognitive processes/thoughts with others. However, as the esketamine wore off, I would become “stupid” again.
Other humans, who were unaware of my esketamine treatment schedule, became confused by the difference between “smart me” and “stupid me”. Furthermore, as my cognitive ability fluctuated, my views would fluctuate, and so would my decisions on whether to disclose my views.
It even happened that “stupid me” edited a book (and added errors into it) that a “moderately smart me” had previously written. (Yes, this is funny.) “Stupid me” had acted on the advice of another human who was, in their current state, more intelligent than “stupid me”, but probably not as intelligent as me at my most intelligent state. I also made posts on LW during this time. “Smart me” would think of something after an esketamine treatment. Then, as I became less intelligent, I would be trying to write it down. By the time I posted what I had finished writing, I was fully “stupid me” (short of actually dying, in which case I would be a “very, very stupid me”).
I guess you could say that my life was interesting for me, and probably for others.
In September of 2023, “stupid me” made the decision to stop esketamine treatments due to their monetary cost and feelings of the need for "self-sacrifice".
In March of 2024, at my husband’s suggestion (he was tired of “stupid me”), I began telehealth care for daily ketamine treatments (a racemic mix of both s- and r-ketamine, administered buccally).
At first, the “mail order ketamine” didn’t work, because the dose was extremely low. However, eventually, when the dose went up high enough, the ketamine worked.
From that point forward, I would get a cognitive boost (more of my own cognitive processes becoming active) every morning.
Eventually, on December 1st of 2024, I decided to maintain my cognitive boost over the course of several days, to see what would happen. (Don’t worry, I planned to self-monitor my blood pressure, and take protective measures if it should start rising into dangerous territory. I'm also aware of potential long-term bladder issues that might arise from lifelong use of ketamine. I'll be OK. You can calm down, but thank you for caring.)
I was aware that, according to my plan, I would run out of my ketamine around December 8th, but I asked myself “Does anyone really need a cognitive boost for Christmas anyway? Maybe it's best to be cognitively frozen for a while."
And so I carried out my plan, and I wrote this.
Now that you’ve read it, you should go back and read it again. The way in which I took reality, the universe, humanity, cognitive processes, and myself (or should I say my "self"?) so seriously is actually starting to seem very, very funny to me now.
So please consider this post to be something of a joke. It is a gift from me to you.
~Amy
(I sign my name with a “~” because I am never exactly the same human from one moment to the next. It's all an approximation, not to mention a joke.)
(So seriously, go back and read it from the top. You just have to smile.)
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