Published on August 22, 2024 5:44 PM GMT
After I quit my first job two years ago, I was conflict-avoidant to the point of depression. I did ~nothing for five months and moved in with my parents in the middle of nowhere.
Social conflicts used to rip me up. I would be anxious for days, sometimes months.
I was so avoidant of feelings I didn’t know they manifested in the body!
Then, with a nudge from a good friend and help from a skilled coach, I began some rapid psychological growth.
And I didn’t have the terms for it yet, but I began deconstructing my emotional insecurities one-by-one:
Becoming more secure
As I became less emotionally insecure, my depression, social anxiety, and avoidance fell away. I found healthier strategies, so they were no longer useful defense mechanisms.
With a secure baseline, I moved cities, pivoted careers, and began building a much more aligned life for myself. Since then:
- I direct my own social interaction research, like this post, funded by donors.I’ve produced small AI safety workshops with attendees like davidad.I run unhinged, sometimes intentionally awkward social events. <Detailed post coming soon>…
Previously, I would have been too afraid to do these things mostly for fear of getting into conflict with others. And while I still get into many similar situations, they no longer register as “conflicts” that I feel avoidant of or anxious about.
(I was also fortunate to have some financial security during this time in the form of ~6 months of runway.)
Boundaries are intuitive to me now. I couldn’t tell you the last time I did something because of guilt or manipulation by others.
(I’m actually somewhat conflict-seeking now. Conflicts are often fun and informative!)
Even my cuticles became securely attached!
Beginning ~7 years ago, my cuticles were consistently disheveled. I would pick at them when I felt anxious. But sometime within the last year, my cuticles completely healed. This was not the result of any new skincare methods and not the result of “willpower”. I think I’m just significantly less anxious so I don’t pick at them anymore.
- I’m much more present and I flinch away from many fewer aspects of my experience. (↑ also helped me become more empathetic.)I fixed my chronic neck/back pain. I do fewer unwanted self-fulfilling prophecies. I’m more intuitive and I know more about my body.I have friends that I like more. E.g.: I’m running a brunch this weekend and, despite trying to be selective, there were 110 people I wanted to individually invite.Less Tanha.Sex is better and easier.My sense of smell is a little better as I ignore it less (still working on this).…
But, still growing!
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