Published on June 8, 2025 1:30 AM GMT
When our kids were 7 and 5 they started walking home from schoolalone. We wrote explaining they were ready and giving permission, theschool had a few reasonable questions, and that was it. Just kidswalking home from the local public school like they have in thisneighborhood for generations.
Online, however, it's common for people to write as if this sort ofthing is long gone. Zvi captures acommon view:
You want to tell your kids, go out and play, be home by dinner, likeyour father and his father before him. But if you do, or even if youtell your kids to walk the two blocks to school, eventually apoliceman will show up at your house and warn you not to do it again,or worse. And yes, you'll be the right legally, but what are you goingto do, risk a long and expensive legal fight? So here we are, andeither you supervise your kids all the time or say hello to a lot ofscreens.
His post also references ~eight news stories where a family hadtrouble with authorities because they let their kid do things thatshould be ordinary, like walking to a store at age nine.
It's not just Zvi: parents who would like kids to have more freedomoften focus on the risk, with the potential for police or ChildProtective Services to get involved. While it's important tounderstand and mitigate the risks, amplifying the rare stories that gopoorly magnifies their chilling effect and undermines the overalleffort.
I showed the quote to our oldest, now 11 and comfortable on herown: "I sincerely doubt that a police officer would get mad at me forwalking to school or to the corner store by myself."
She got to this level of comfort by spending a lot of time out in our walkablekid-friendly neighborhood. Sometimes with us, and increasingly onher own. For example it's raining today and she just came back to thehouse to tell me that she was grabbing rain gear and then she wasgoing puddle jumping with two younger neighborhood kids. In a bitI'll stop writing and take her younger sister (age 3) out to join in.
Some other examples of being out alone:
Heading to a school concert the 8yo was running late and the10yo was getting impatient. I asked her: "you know the way, do youwant to go on ahead by yourself?" She walked the half mile withoutissue, with her watch asbackup.
Both older kids will go to the corner store to spend theirallowance (or busking money). They both started going alone aroundage 8.
At age 10 our oldest worked up to taking the busto her grandfather's in the next town over.
Also at age 10 our oldest wanted some guacamole and we didn'thave any avocados in the house. I suggested she could walk to thegrocery store, about a mile away, which she did without issue.
Yesterday our youngest, nearly four, wanted to go on her own tothe park. She's not ready to do this fully on her own, but I helped herthrough a version where from the perspective of most other parents atthe park she probably looked like she was there alone.
There have been difficult times. For example, one got lost walking toswim lessons and called me, before being helped by a parent friendwalking by who happened to be going to the same class. Or, one of thefirst times one went to the corner store alone a patron was actingkind of crazy. And at 5yo one decided to go around the block byherself without telling us. None of these have been cases where thepolice or CPS were involved, however, or where that even seemslikely.
It's also not just our family:
I often see 8-10yo kids by themselves at the playground oralong the community path. Our kids were out solo at slightly youngerthan is common in the neighborhood, but not by much.
Another parent told me about how their 7yo (2nd grade)was walking to school on their own but kept being late despite leavingwith plenty of time. The parent decided to follow at a distance anddiscovered they'd been stopping to play at a swingset along theirroute. This was all recounted as a funny "kids being kids"story.
I asked one of my kids' friends, and they said in 4th grade(9yo) they started walking to and from school alone, about a mile.
A neighborhood parent who describes themself as "onthe cautious end" has recently started letting their 8yo go tothe park alone (which doesn't require crossing any streets) but arestill building up to the corner store.
In other contexts people understand that it's important to berealistic about risks, and not give undue weight to sufficientlyunlikely risks. For example, here's the same writer I quoted above onthe risks ofmisjudging a romantic situation:
That is vastly harder if you have gotten it into yourhead that one move too far could ruin your life. Which in theory itcould, but the chances of that happening (especially if no oneinvolved is in college) if you act at all reasonably are very low.
The chance of conflict with authorities varies based on who you are andwhere you live, but most of this risk-amplification is happening amongdemographics who are least likely to have their parenting decisionssecond-guessed. Still, it's worth thinking about how to reduce risk:
Talk with the kids about how they'd respond to an adultchecking in: "my dad knows I'm here and is checking on me"; "I'mgoing to my grandfather's house"; "if I have a problem I'll use mywalkie-talkie".
Similarly, discuss how they'd handle other scenarios. What ifthey get hurt? Lost? Hungry? Stuck in a tree? Feel like other kidsare playing too dangerously? Invited to a friend's house? Ingeneral, a kid shouldn't be alone in a situation until they'reprepared to handle the kinds of things that might go wrong there.
Make sure they know your phone number (I taught mine as a jingle)and/or have some other way to reach you. This reduces the risk thatthey need help and can't get it, and I suspect being able to talk withan adult who was checking in on them would offer a good opportunity todefuse the situation.
Talk with other parents. We spend a good amount of time at thelocal playground, and we know a lot of the other families there. Incasual conversation I'll bring up attitudes towards kids being aroundsolo, enough that if someone started asking around ("hey, is anyonewatching that kid in the yellow shirt; I don't see a parent") there'sa good chance someone would say something ("that's <kid>, shelives over there and her parents know she's here").
Be in a place where this sort of thing is reasonably common.In Somerville I see a lot of kids around by themselves; places wherewalking is a typical mode are probably good for this.
Think carefully about whether your specific kid is ready forthe specific situation. Are they the kind of kid who can explainwhat's going on to an authority figure? If an adult asks if they'reok and they respond clearly the risk is much lower than if they won'tengage.
These aren't just ways to avoid trouble with authorities, they're goodproactive parenting. Work with your kid to understand what they'reready for, and help them take on challenges at the edge of theirability.
Overall, like most of parenting, it's a matter of finding a goodbalance. There are large benefits to kids of being able to spend timeoutside, visit their friends, choose how to spend their time, andgenerally become moreindependent, and while we shouldn't neglect unlikely-but-seriousrisks we also shouldn't fall into thinking these outcomes arecommon.
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