Would you be surprised to learn there’s lots of AI-related news to talk about this week? Probably not. You probably wouldn’t be surprised if the Macalope said it was all AI-generated.

First, there was Sam Altman awkwardly trying to coax Scarlett Johansson into being the voice of ChatGPT. Johansson’s response was very much “Who are you again?” Still, things are going very well in the AI world as Gemini is telling users to eat glue and rocks and Humane is for sale. It’s a real mystery why Apple is so late to this awesome party but there are plenty of rumors about what new AI features iOS 18 will have.

Anyway, we’re not going to talk about that stuff. Frankly, the Macalope is a little tired of talking about AI. It’s like we’ve spent months talking about someone’s wack-a-doodle uncle who went off the deep end into conspiracy theories during the pandemic.

“You can prevent COVID by taking a tablespoon of battery acid every day! I did my own research! Have some of my glue pizza!”

Yeah, let’s talk about iPhone rumors instead.

Apple made a big splash with the M4 iPad Pros by making them almost unbelievably thin. Sure, some groused “Who wants the iPad to be thinner?!” Well, everyone who wanted it to be lighter, that’s who. Now, if the rumors are true, it’s set to do the same thing for the iPhone 17, making it thinner and probably lighter by ditching the back glass in favor of aluminum.

As the world’s foremost advocate of smaller iPhones over the last 10 years (doing a bang-up job, thanks very much for asking), the Macalope is at least intrigued by these changes. Maybe the Macalope is just talking himself into this as, despite his letter-writing campaigns, multiple sit-ins, and subliminal propaganda schemes directed at Apple executives, it doesn’t look like he’s going to get another iPhone mini. What’s a mythical beast to do?

The advantages for those of us who prefer a smaller phone are more related to surface area than thickness or weight. Apple implementing Reachability in iOS was far less a panacea than it was evidence that we were right all along about the problem with larger phones.

IDG

IDG

IDG

Still, there may be a path forward through software. To forge a usable substitute for what you call a small phone and we call a reasonably-sized phone using one of those ridiculous monstrosities you use, we’d need to think about cobbling together a specific set of interactions, using iOS features that already exist and some that are rumored to be coming in iOS 18.

iOS widgets currently give you the ability to put larger icons on your home screen that have the added benefit of providing information. iOS 18 is rumored to be bringing even more customization options, including more flexible icon placement and the ability to have blank spaces. If that spot in the upper corner of the screen is just too hard to reach without risking dropping your phone in hot lava (the Macalope is assuming you’re a vulcanologist here), put a widget there or, once iOS 18 arrives, leave it blank. You can even just configure your screen with widgets down the far side (whichever side that is for you) and icons you want to interact with down the near side.

That still leaves Control Center, Apple’s annoyingly out-of-reach incredibly useful tool access utility.

Apple engineer #1: “Hmm, where should we put this thing people are going to want to use all the time?”

Apple engineer #2: What’s the hardest spot on the phone for most people to reach?”

Apple engineer #1: “Who hurt you, Jeff?”

Even on his iPhone 13 mini, which has a relatively easy-to-reach upper right corner, the Macalope has taken to using a triple back tap to trigger Control Center. The Action button also makes it easier to trigger the functions you most often use, but it Control Center could still benefit from easier access.

Now the Macalope has to inform you that he lied a bit at the beginning. We are going to talk about AI, but just a little. Those aforementioned iOS 18 AI features include several enhancements that could make interacting with your phone easier and faster. The Macalope’s not holding his breath, but if Siri can make a large phone easier to use, that helps.

Still, none of this addresses what the Macalope calls “pants feel” (no, don’t close the tab, we’re keeping it SFW). Big phones are simply bigger. The amazing thing about AirPods is how they took advantage of that little jeans pocket no one uses anymore. Apple shipped a product a lot of people already had a place to put. Large phones, on the other hand, have forced a proliferation of tactical phone pants, those pants that have a special phone pocket on the thigh, because if your pants aren’t saying “I have a large phone!” it’s such a missed opportunity.

Might as well have been bandoliers.

At the end of the day, does the Macalope want a thinner iPhone? Yes, please. And he can probably find a way to make it work.

Of course, a thinner and smaller phone would be the real sweet spot. Just saying.