本书作者约翰·戈特曼，是一位婚姻治疗领域的传奇人物，他通过对数百对夫妻进行长期的观察和研究，总结了七项婚姻经营的原则，为夫妻关系的维护和改善提供了科学依据。该书揭示了婚姻中成功的关键因素，例如积极的互动方式、有效的沟通技巧、解决冲突的策略等，并强调了夫妻关系需要持续的经营和维护。

👨‍❤️‍👨 **婚姻治疗的困境：** 传统的婚姻治疗方法大多以解决冲突为核心，但效果并不理想，复发率很高。作者戈特曼发现，传统的婚姻治疗方法只有35%到50%的成功率，并且只有一半的夫妻能够维持改善后的婚姻关系。

📊 **科学研究的必要性：** 为了寻找更有效的婚姻治疗方法，戈特曼建立了“爱情实验室”，通过对数百对夫妻进行长期观察和数据分析，研究了婚姻成功的关键因素。他发现，夫妻之间的互动方式、沟通技巧、冲突解决方式等因素对婚姻关系的稳定性有着重要的影响。

🔎 **婚姻成功的关键因素：** 戈特曼的研究表明，在婚姻中，积极的互动方式、有效的沟通技巧、解决冲突的策略等因素是维持婚姻关系的关键。例如，丈夫在争吵中是否能够承认妻子的感受，会直接影响婚姻的稳定性。

💔 **婚姻失败的原因：** 戈特曼的研究还发现，大多数婚姻冲突都是由长期问题而非具体事件引起的。例如，夫妻之间长期存在的价值观差异、沟通模式问题等，会导致婚姻关系的破裂。

👫 **婚姻经营的七项原则：** 戈特曼基于多年的研究，总结了七项婚姻经营的原则，为夫妻关系的维护和改善提供了科学指导。这些原则强调了夫妻之间要建立积极的互动方式、学会有效的沟通技巧、掌握解决冲突的策略等。

💡 **婚姻需要经营：** 婚姻关系不是一成不变的，需要夫妻双方共同经营和维护。通过学习和应用婚姻经营的原则，夫妻可以更好地理解彼此，增进感情，建立更加和谐的婚姻关系。

🤝 **婚姻治疗的未来：** 戈特曼的研究为婚姻治疗领域带来了新的理念和方法，为夫妻关系的改善提供了科学依据。未来，随着对婚姻关系的深入研究，相信会有更多有效的方法帮助夫妻建立更加幸福的婚姻关系。

https://slatestarcodex.com/2020/02/27/book-review-the-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work/

 

I.

John Gottman is a legendary figure, and the legend is told best by John Gottman. He describes wading into the field of marital counseling as a young psychology postdoc, only to find it was a total mess:

When we began our research, the wide range of marital therapies based on conflict resolution shared a very high level of relapse. In fact, the best of this type of marital therapy, conducted by Neil Jacobson, had only a 35 to 50 percent success rate. In other words, his own studies showed that only 35 to 50 percent of couples saw a meaningful improvement in their marriages as a result of the therapy. A year later, less than half of that group — or just 18 to 25 percent of all couples who entered therapy — retained these benefits. A while ago, Consumer Reports surveyed a large sample of its members on their experience with all kinds of psychotherapists. Most therapists got very high customer-satisfaction marks—except for the marital ones, who received very poor ratings. Though this survey did not qualify as rigorous scientific research, it confirmed what most professionals in the field already knew: in the long run, marital therapy did not benefit the majority of couples.

Gottman decided the field needed statistical rigor, and that he – a former MIT math major – was exactly the guy to enforce it. He set up a model apartment in his University of Washington research center – affectionately called “the Love Lab”, and invited hundreds of couples to spend a few days there – observed, videotaped, and attached to electrodes collecting information on every detail of their physiology. While at the lab, the couples went through their ordinary lives. They experienced love, hatred, romantic dinners, screaming matches, and occasionally self-transformation. Then Gottman monitored them for years, seeing who made things work and who got divorced. Did you know that if a husband fails to acknowledge his wife’s feelings during an argument, there is an 81% chance it will damage the marriage? Or that 69% of marital conflicts are about long-term problems rather than specific situations? John Gottman knows all of this and much, much more.