本期节目邀请了德克萨斯大学奥斯汀分校心理学教授、进化心理学领域的奠基人之一大卫·巴斯博士。巴斯博士分享了其关于人们如何选择短期和长期伴侣的研究，包括人类求偶的动态、伴侣价值评估，以及男性和女性对不忠的不同看法。他还探讨了人们如何评估并试图改变他人的伴侣价值，以确保甚至抢夺伴侣。本期节目还涵盖了人类的单配偶制和非单配偶制关系，以及巴斯博士所称的“黑暗三联体”——与关系中的性暴力和心理暴力相关的特征，常见于跟踪者和自恋者。

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 **伴侣选择：** 巴斯博士深入探讨了人们在选择伴侣时所考虑的因素，包括对短期和长期关系的不同需求。他认为，人们在选择长期伴侣时，会倾向于寻找具有稳定性、资源和吸引力的伴侣，而短期关系则更注重性吸引力和短期利益。 巴斯博士还解释了男性和女性在选择伴侣时的差异，例如男性更倾向于寻找年轻、有生育能力的女性，而女性则更倾向于寻找有资源、地位和责任感的男性。这些差异源于人类进化史上的性选择压力，男性需要寻找能够生育后代的女性，而女性则需要寻找能够提供资源和保护的男性。

🕵️‍♀️ **不忠行为：** 巴斯博士分析了导致不忠行为的原因，并探讨了男性和女性在不忠行为上的差异。他认为，男性更容易受到性刺激，而女性则更倾向于情感上的不忠。此外，他解释了人们如何评估和试图改变他人的伴侣价值，以确保甚至抢夺伴侣。 巴斯博士还探讨了人类的单配偶制和非单配偶制关系，并解释了不同的文化和社会环境如何影响人们对伴侣的选择和关系模式。

👿 **黑暗三联体：** 巴斯博士提出了“黑暗三联体”的概念，即自恋、马基雅维利主义和精神病，这三种特征与关系中的性暴力和心理暴力相关。他解释了这些特征如何影响人们的行为，以及如何识别和避免与具有这些特征的人建立关系。 巴斯博士还探讨了跟踪行为，以及跟踪者如何利用各种策略来操纵和控制受害者。他强调了识别跟踪行为的危险性，以及如何保护自己免受跟踪行为的侵害。

In this episode, my guest is Dr. David Buss, Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology.

Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad”— features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships.

This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships. 

For the full show notes, visit hubermanlab.com.

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Timestamps

(00:00:00) Introducing Dr. David Buss

(00:04:27) Sponsors: AG1, LMNT

(00:08:33) Choosing a Mate

(00:13:40) Long Term Mates: Universal Desires

(00:18:31) What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates

(00:25:10) Age Differences & Mating History 

(00:32:20) Deception in Courtship

(00:37:30) Emotional Stability

(00:38:40) Lying About Long-Term Interest

(00:41:56) Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects

(00:46:25) Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching

(00:54:25) Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference

(00:57:00) Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment

(00:59:15) Emotional & Financial Infidelity

(01:04:35) Contraception 

(01:06:22) Status & Mating Success

(01:10:10) Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence

(01:24:13) Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence  

(01:25:12) Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc.

(01:27:33) Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy

(01:33:25) Stalking

(01:39:15) Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments 

(01:43:24) Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity

(01:46:40) Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships  

(01:54:00) Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth

(02:02:12) Self Deception

(02:05:35) The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience  

(02:06:56) Books: When Men Behave Badly; The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks

(02:10:42) Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Supplements

Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac

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