本期节目邀请了精神科医生Paul Conti博士，他分享了建立健康人际关系的技巧，包括浪漫关系、工作关系和友谊。他解释了意识和潜意识的运作机制，以及如何利用这些机制更好地处理冲突，设定健康的界限。节目还探讨了不健康关系的特征，以及处理关系不安全感、过度焦虑、过去创伤、操纵和虐待的临床支持工具。Conti博士还解释了如何在健康关系中建立互惠的“我们”关系，以及如何持续改善这种关系。

🧠 **关系中的自我：** Conti博士解释了自我意识和潜意识在人际关系中的作用，以及它们如何影响我们与他人的互动方式。他强调了自我意识的重要性，以及了解自己的需求和界限，以便在关系中建立健康和平衡的联系。

🤝 **关系中的“我们”：** Conti博士解释了“我们”关系的动态，以及如何在人际关系中培养这种动态。这种动态强调了共同的努力、互相支持和互相尊重。他指出，健康的“我们”关系建立在相互尊重、沟通和共同目标的基础上。

💪 **界限和沟通：** Conti博士强调了设定健康界限的重要性，以及如何与他人进行有效的沟通。他强调了了解自己的界限，并与他人进行清晰和直接的沟通，以避免冲突和误解。

💔 **不健康关系的特征：** Conti博士探讨了不健康关系的特征，例如操纵、虐待、控制和不安全感。他强调了识别这些特征的重要性，以及采取措施保护自己，摆脱不健康的关系。

💡 **改变关系模式：** Conti博士解释了如何打破不健康的模式，并建立更健康的关系。他强调了自我意识、自我关怀和寻找专业支持的重要性。他相信，通过不断的努力和自我反思，我们可以改变关系模式，建立更健康和充实的关系。

🤝 **不同关系类型：** Conti博士将他的见解扩展到不同类型的关系，包括浪漫关系、工作关系和友谊。他解释了如何在每种关系类型中建立健康的动态，并强调了沟通、尊重和界限的重要性。

🙏 **建立健康的“我们”关系：** Conti博士强调了建立健康的“我们”关系需要持续的努力和自我反思。他认为，通过培养自我意识，设定健康的界限，并与他人进行有效的沟通，我们可以建立更健康、更充实和更幸福的关系。

❤️ **建立健康的“我们”关系：** Conti博士强调了建立健康的“我们”关系需要持续的努力和自我反思。他认为，通过培养自我意识，设定健康的界限，并与他人进行有效的沟通，我们可以建立更健康、更充实和更幸福的关系。

This is episode 3 of a 4-part special series on mental health with Dr. Paul Conti, M.D., a psychiatrist who did his medical training at Stanford School of Medicine and residency at Harvard Medical School. He is the author of the book, “Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic.” Dr. Conti explains how to find, develop and strengthen healthy relationships — including romantic relationships, work and colleague relationships, and friendships. He explains a roadmap of the conscious and unconscious mind that can allow anyone to navigate conflicts better and set healthy boundaries in relationships. We also discuss common features of unhealthy relationships and clinically supported tools for dealing with relationship insecurity, excessive anxiety, past traumas, manipulation and abuse. Dr. Conti explains how, in healthy relationships, there emerges a dynamic of the mutually generative “us” and how to continually improve that dynamic. The next episode in this special series explores true self-care, which can be cultivated through a process of building self-awareness along with other important practices.  

For the full show notes, visit hubermanlab.com.

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Timestamps

(00:00:00) Build Healthy Relationships

(00:02:04) Sponsors: BetterHelp & Waking Up

(00:05:01) Healthiest Self in Relationships

(00:10:51) Structure & Function of Self

(00:15:44) Relationships, Levels of Emergence

(00:22:48) Generative Drive in Relationships

(00:35:00) Sponsor: AG1

(00:36:26) Generative Drive, Aggressive Drive, Pleasure Drive

(00:45:16) Romantic Relationships & Matched Generative Drives, Trauma Bonds

(00:53:05) Generative Drive Expression, Libido, Giving & Taking

(01:04:29) Sponsor: Eight Sleep

(01:05:50) Generative Drive in Partnerships

(01:11:16) Libido, Avoidance & Working through Barriers

(01:18:02) Repeating Bad Relationship Patterns, Repetition Compulsion

(01:29:23) Narcissism, Dependence, Attachment Insecurity

(01:34:10) Abusive Relationships, Demoralization

(01:39:37) Oppressors, Darkness, Hope & Change

(01:48:08) Work Relationships, Oppression & Accountability

(01:53:53) Jealousy vs. Envy, Narcissism

(01:59:13) Power Dynamics in Relationships

(02:05:54) Giving vs. Taking in Relationships

(02:09:39) Transactions & Relationships; Family & Generative Drive; Flexibility

(02:19:47) Relationships & Kindergarten

(02:23:04) Anxiety in Relationships, Communication

(02:31:32) The “Magic Bridge of the Us”

(02:37:09) Mentalization, Getting into Another’s Mindset; Navigating Conflict

(02:46:51) Healthy Boundaries

(02:52:08) Self-Awareness, Mentalization

(02:55:28) “Broken Compass” & Self Inquiry, “Map” Analogy

(03:02:25) Zero-Cost Support, YouTube Feedback, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, Social Media, Momentous, Neural Network Newsletter

Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac

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