本期节目邀请了前联邦调查局（FBI）特工Chris Voss，他曾在许多高风险、高后果的案件中担任首席谈判专家。Chris在哈佛大学和乔治敦大学教授谈判课程，并著有《决不妥协》一书。我们讨论了如何应对各种困难的对话，包括商业、爱情和分手、解雇以及与家人和朋友的紧张对话。Chris解释了如何在网上、面对面和书面谈判中应对，以及需要注意的危险信号以及如何在面对面和电话对话中解读肢体和声音线索。他解释了如何使用同理心、一些关键问题、积极倾听、情绪处理等，以确保你在任何艰难的对话中都能取得最佳结果。

🤔 **谈判心态与技巧**：Chris强调了在谈判中保持冷静、自信和积极的心态的重要性。他建议采用一种“玩乐”的心态，并始终保持幽默感，避免陷入情绪化的争执。他还强调了“冷静的声音”和“情绪转换”的技巧，通过控制自己的情绪和语气，来引导谈判走向更有利的方向。

🤝 **协商与合作**：Chris强调了“双赢”的谈判理念，即通过合作和妥协，找到双方都能接受的解决方案。他认为，谈判应该是一种“假设检验”的过程，通过不断地提出问题和倾听对方的想法，来找到最佳的解决方案。他还强调了“慷慨”在谈判中的重要性，通过给予对方一些东西，来换取更大的利益。

👂 **倾听与理解**：Chris强调了“积极倾听”在谈判中的重要性。他建议通过“镜像”和“重复”对方的语言和语气，来表达你对他们的理解和尊重。他强调了“提出公平的问题”的技巧，通过引导对方说出他们的想法和需求，来找到双方都能接受的解决方案。

🧠 **解读情绪与行为**：Chris强调了“直觉”在谈判中的重要性。他认为，通过观察对方的肢体语言和声音语气，可以判断出他们的真实想法和情绪。他建议通过“738法则”和“情感线索”来识别对方的真实意图。他还强调了“在线沟通”的技巧，如何通过文字信息来传递情感和意图。

💪 **应对压力与挑战**：Chris强调了“自我修复”和“幽默”在谈判中的重要性。他建议通过“小空间练习”和“标签”来缓解压力，并通过幽默来化解紧张气氛。他还强调了“倾听”和“冥想”在谈判中的作用，通过释放情绪和保持冷静，来应对各种挑战。

🤝 **建立联系与信任**：Chris强调了“人性化”和“同理心”在谈判中的重要性。他建议通过“镜像”和“积极倾听”来建立与对方的联系，并通过“同情”和“理解”来赢得对方的信任。

🧠 **谈判技巧与应用**：Chris分享了多种谈判技巧，包括“镜像技巧”、“积极倾听”、“标签”等，并详细解释了如何在实际谈判中运用这些技巧。他强调了这些技巧在各种情境下的应用，包括商业谈判、人际关系、家庭关系等。

🙏 **感谢与支持**：Chris表达了对听众的感谢，并鼓励大家通过“Spotify”和“Apple”评论、社交媒体等方式表达支持。他还感谢了节目赞助商，并鼓励大家关注节目网站和社交媒体平台。

In this episode, my guest is Chris Voss, a former Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) agent who was the lead negotiator in many high-risk, high-consequence cases. Chris has taught negotiation courses at Harvard and Georgetown Universities and is the author of the book “Never Split the Difference.” We discuss how to navigate difficult conversations of all kinds, including in business, romance and romantic breakups, job firings and tense conversations with family and friends. Chris explains how to navigate online, in person and in written negotiations, the red flags to watch out for and how to read body and voice cues in face-to-face and phone conversations. He explains how to use empathy, certain key questions, proactive listening, emotional processing and more to ensure you reach the best possible outcome in any hard conversation. This episode ought to be of interest to anyone looking to improve their interpersonal abilities and communication skills and for those who want to be able to keep a level head in heated discussions. 

For show notes, including referenced articles and additional resources, please visit hubermanlab.com.

Use Ask Huberman Lab, our new AI-powered platform, for a summary, clips, and insights from this episode.

Thank you to our sponsors

AG1 (Athletic Greens): https://athleticgreens.com/huberman

LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/huberman

Waking Up: https://wakingup.com/huberman

Momentous: https://www.livemomentous.com/huberman

Timestamps

(00:00:00) Chris Voss

(00:02:34) Sponsors: LMNT & Waking Up

(00:04:59) Negotiation Mindset, Playfulness

(00:11:41) Calm Voice, Emotional Shift, Music

(00:18:59) “Win-Win”?, Benevolent Negotiations, Hypothesis Testing

(00:28:38) Generosity

(00:33:06) Sponsor: AG1

(00:33:44) Hostile Negotiations, Internal Collaboration

(00:39:40) Patterns & Specificity; Internet Scams, “Double-Dip”

(00:48:15) Urgency, Cons, Asking Questions

(00:54:46) Negotiations, Fair Questions, Exhausting Adversaries

(01:02:18) “Vision Drives Decision”, Human Nature & Investigation

(01:07:47) Lying & Body, “Gut Sense”

(01:15:42) Face-to-Face Negotiation, “738” & Affective Cues 

(01:20:39) Online/Text Communication; “Straight Shooters”

(01:26:47) Break-ups (Romantic & Professional), Firing, Resilience

(01:32:16) Ego Depletion, Negotiation Outcomes

(01:37:35) Readiness & “Small Space Practice”, Labeling

(01:45:17) Venting, Emotions & Listening; Meditation & Spirituality

(01:51:41) Physical Fitness, Self-Care

(01:57:01) Long Negotiations & Recharging

(02:02:40) Hostages, Humanization & Names

(02:08:50) Tactical Empathy, Compassion

(02:15:27) Tool: Mirroring Technique

(02:22:20) Tool: Proactive Listening

(02:29:48) Family Members & Negotiations

(02:35:21) Self Restoration, Humor 

(02:39:01) Fireside, Communication Courses; Rapport; Writing Projects

(02:47:45) “Sounds Like…” Perspective

(02:50:54) Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Momentous, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac

Disclaimer