文章讲述了作者在丈夫的坚持下，从纽约搬到休斯顿后的婚姻困境和离婚经历。作者反思了在搬家前未能与丈夫深入沟通未来规划、未能修改婚前协议以及对住房安排不够积极主动等问题。这些疏忽导致她在离婚后面临经济上的窘迫和情感上的疏离感。作者强调了在重大人生决定前进行坦诚沟通和自我保护的重要性，并表达了对过往选择的遗憾以及对未来的积极应对。

💍 搬家前的沟通至关重要：作者后悔在搬家前未能与丈夫就未来五年、十年的规划进行深入沟通，担忧的沉默和害怕争吵的态度，导致她未能充分了解丈夫的真实意图，从而可能避免了后续的痛苦。坦诚的对话是维系婚姻和做出明智决定的基石。

⚖️ 婚前协议的审慎与修改：作者在婚前签署了不利于自己的婚前协议，并且在婚后有子女的情况下未能进行修改，放弃了配偶赡养费和共同财产的分割权利，尤其未能包含退休金的分割。这使得她在离婚后经济上处于不利地位，作者反思了当时因害怕婚姻破裂而不敢提出修改的顾虑，强调了在婚姻中保护自身财务权益的重要性。

🏡 住房安排与安全感：作者希望在搬家前能与丈夫共同购买房产，即使是小户型或需要修缮的房屋，并希望房产登记在双方名下。这不仅能提供一种安全感，也能在对方不愿意承担责任时提供更清晰的信号。然而，他们只是租房，这在离婚后加剧了她的不稳定感。

🗣️ 勇于表达自我，争取权益：作者深刻认识到，在重大决定面前保持沉默、随波逐流，只会将自己置于风险之中。她后悔没有更坚定地为自己发声，争取应有的权益和考虑。这种“不主动、不拒绝”的态度，在婚姻和生活中都可能导致意想不到的后果。

🌍 面对现实，积极前行：尽管对搬离家乡和所做的决定感到遗憾，作者表示将至少在孩子高中毕业前留在德州，并努力将注意力从“搬迁的悲伤”转移到与孩子共度时光，创造美好的回忆，无论身在何处。

I didn't want to move to Texas, but felt like I had little choice.Looking back, I wish I'd stuck up for myself and had more serious conversations before moving. I would have asked my now ex-husband how he envisioned our future and if we could update our prenup.

I never imagined living anywhere else but New York City. It's where my grandparents met, where I went to college, got married, and gave birth to my two kids.

So, when my husband suddenly wanted to move to his home city of Houston after four years of marriage, it came as a shock.

He was the breadwinner of the family, so I agreed without much fuss. He said it would be temporary, but I felt nervous in my gut.

Two months later, we were packed and off to Texas. Three years later, I was going through a divorce and stuck here.

Looking back, there are many things I wish I'd asked and done differently before we moved. It probably wouldn't have prevented our divorce, but it could have prevented, or at least curtailed, the pain and regret I still feel five years after.

I should have asked how my ex imagined our future 5 and 10 years later

Perhaps, if I'd been clearer on his intentions for our future, I may have never agreed to leave New York. I never asked because I feared it could lead to a fight.

During the divorce, I actually did ask him where he wanted to live long-term because I really did not know his feelings.

Of course, he wanted to stay in Houston, where his family, friends, and memories were. And because our divorce was filed in Houston, that is what happened. We stayed.

I was more homesick than ever during the divorce process. Houston was an unfamiliar place. I didn't know anyone here, and adjusting to divorced motherhood while getting my own apartment, car, and job felt very isolating.

I should have changed our prenup before moving

Another thing I should have done was to change our prenup to include a split of some assets.

I had signed a terrible prenup days before our wedding, before having kids, that offered me one year of my rent paid by my ex.

The agreement waived spousal support and decreed that none of the property or assets acquired during our marriage was marital property, so nothing was split, and I didn't receive a share of retirement benefits.

If talking about our future would have started a fight, I was pretty anxious that discussing changes to the prenup might end the marriage right then and there, so I never brought it up, and we never updated the terms, even after having kids.

I put my career on hold to raise the kids, but this meant that I didn't protect myself financially while married, and so I didn't have any savings to carry me through when everything fell apart.

I had been foolish to believe there was going to be good faith and care during the divorce. If I could, I would have altered the prenup to include a portion of retirement benefits from the length of the marriage so I had more of a financial cushion to support myself afterward.

I should have been more involved with our housing situation

Before moving over 1,000 miles from my roots, I wish I had asked that we purchase a home, even a small one or a fixer-upper.

I would have requested that the property be in both our names. As a stay-at-home mom, it would have given me some security that my well-being was considered, or, on the flip side, if he'd refused, I may have had more clarity that my well-being was not being considered.

In Texas, we rented a home at first, and then moved to a small apartment, where my ex remained after the divorce, and I found a new apartment to live in.

I wish I'd stood up for myself more

Staying quiet, not having these important conversations, and going with the flow put me at risk. I'm still recovering, years later.

My eyes well up when I think about how far my home is. The distance, time, money, and planning it takes to return to visit New York is overwhelming, though I manage it once a year or so.

I can't help but think about how life would have looked if I spoke up. I wish I had those conversations before moving so far away from where I'm from, to ensure the plans involved my well-being and happiness.

Living in Texas until my kids finish high school, at least, is not what I expected, but I'm trying to focus less on my displacement grief and more on making memories with my kids, no matter where we live.