Courtesy of Kim Perell
- Kim Perell has a fraternal twin sister with whom she always felt competitive.Now, Perell has boy/girl twins who are 11, and identical boys who are 6.She encourages each to find their own interests, and says a schedule is critical.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Kim Perell, author of "Mistakes That Made Me A Millionaire." It has been edited for length and clarity.
My family is knee-deep in twins. My twin sister and I look just alike, but we're not identical. I'm raising two sets of twins: boy/girl fraternal twins who are 11, and identical boys who are 6. My sister also has identical twin girls, who are 18. It's not just this generation: my grandpa was a twin, and my husband has twins in his family too.
When we're together, it's a bit chaotic since everyone looks and sounds alike, but I love it. People often say, "I can't believe you have to deal with that," but I don't see twin life as a chore. I see it as a blessing, even though there are some downsides.
Growing up as a twin was tough
My sister was always smarter, faster, and stronger than me. When you have someone who shares your exact experiences and most of your DNA, you're going to compare. For me, comparing with her was a losing battle. She was so smart that she was bused to a gifted and talented program, while I went to regular school.
When I was young, my mom shared the saying, "Comparison is the thief of joy." She encouraged me to find my own areas to shine rather than competing with my sister. I started doing individual sports like tennis or swimming, while my sister stood out in team sports. It taught me early on that it's okay to be different.
I encourage individuality in my kids
My 11-year-old son is very into sports, while my daughter loves the arts and reading. I like that they have different interests, even though it makes my life more hectic. We have four kids in four different activities, which is a logistical nightmare.
At the same time, I accept that there's always going to be some competition between siblings, especially twins. Whether it's on the soccer field or in the classroom, they'll compare each other. We're realistic about that, but try to balance it out with activities that everyone loves and excels at, like surfing and wakeboarding.
A schedule is critical
My home runs like a well-oiled machine. Each night, we sit down for family dinner at 6 p.m.. By 7 p.m., we're usually doing family activities outside. Then, by 8 p.m., everyone is in bed and there's not a sound to be heard.
Scheduling is just as important now as it was when the kids were babies. It keeps them focused and helps everyone know what to expect.
I chose to have twins, but also got a surprise
My husband and I went through a long IVF journey. During that time, I wanted to have twins, so we implanted two embryos when I got pregnant with my older kids. I was thrilled when an ultrasound confirmed there were two.
But no one is crazy enough to opt for twins twice. It took me a while to convince my husband to have any more children, and when he agreed, we transferred only one embryo. By some miracle, it split, giving us our double twins.
If we had looked at that as overwhelming, it would have been. Instead, we chose to see it as an efficient way to build our family. We couldn't even attempt to do it alone, so we relied on our village of family, friends, and hired help. Even though the kids are all in school today, our after-school nanny is critical.
The bond that twins have is amazing. I have it with my sister, and I'm so glad that my nieces and my children get to experience it too.
