文章探讨了办公室恋情的普遍性及其引发的争议。研究表明，高达60%的美国人有过办公室恋情，许多人（如奥巴马夫妇）在此相遇。作者引用专家观点，解释了工作环境如何成为亲密关系的温床，包括“纯粹暴露效应”和“邻近效应”等心理机制。文章还指出，中年人士在关系倦怠期更容易寻求办公室恋情以重拾活力。然而，这种关系也可能带来尴尬、利益冲突以及对职业生涯的影响。专家建议，与其禁止，不如制定政策来规范并保护相关人员。最终，文章鼓励人们反思办公室恋情背后所触及的深层情感需求，并认识到工作场所不仅是谋生之地，也可能是自我发现的契机。

🏢 工作场所是孕育亲密关系的天然温床：由于长时间的相处、共同的目标和压力，以及“纯粹暴露效应”（接触越多越喜欢）和“邻近效应”（容易与身边人产生联系），同事之间很容易建立情感连接，甚至发展出办公室恋情。这种环境提供了许多“情感亲密的原材料”，让人们在解决问题、获得认可时感到被看见，从而产生吸引力。

💖 中年危机与关系重塑：在30多岁末到50岁初的群体中，办公室恋情出现率明显上升。这往往与人生进入重新评估阶段有关，人们开始审视婚姻、人生目标和活力感。此时，一段办公室恋情可能会“刺破”日常生活的“自动驾驶模式”，唤醒被压抑的自我，或在现有关系出现问题时提供情感慰藉，其核心在于探索“是什么唤醒了我？”而非仅仅是“是否要发展这段关系？”。

⚖️ 办公室恋情的复杂性与潜在风险：虽然工作场所恋情普遍且有其自然性，但也可能带来一系列问题。例如，关系破裂后每天面对前任的尴尬，以及可能引发的利益冲突或“特殊待遇”的质疑，影响工作环境的公平性。因此，人力资源部门需要制定相关政策，规范此类关系，保护员工和同事免受混乱动态的影响，而完全禁止则可能难以奏效。

💡 识别情感需求与自我探索：当人们卷入办公室恋情时，尤其是在已有伴侣的情况下，专家建议反思这种关系触及了哪些情感需求。这不仅仅是关于“是否追求这段关系”，更是关于“它揭示了我自身的哪些方面？”。理解这些深层动机，有助于人们更清晰地认识自己，处理好个人情感与职业生涯的关系，甚至在日常工作中实现自我发现。

An awkward kiss-cam moment between what appeared to be a CEO and his employee has started a debate about hook-ups at work.Workplace romances are common: a survey suggested 60% of Americans have had one.They can be a headache not just for HR, but co-workers who have to deal with the loved-up couple.

We don't know the story behind the Astronomer CEO and his Chief People Officer allegedly captured on Coldplay's kiss-cam. Still, the debacle has ignited a debate about workplace romances. Are they kosher? How should you handle them?

Falling for a coworker is pretty common. Barack and Michelle Obama met as coworkers at a Chicago law firm. The "Good Morning America" hosts T.J. Holmes and Amy Robach left their spouses for each other. And, of course, there's the beloved Jim and Pam from "The Office."

A 2017 Stanford study found one in 10 US couples met at work, while in a recent Forbes survey of 2,000 working age Americans, 60% of people said they had experienced an office romance.

We asked Annie Wright, a licensed marriage and family therapist, if any of her clients have had an emotional or physical relationship with a coworker — including affairs.

"It'd be easier to mention the times it hasn't come up," Wright told Business Insider. "Falling for, or having an affair with, a coworker is so much more common than people tend to admit publicly. And I do have the privilege of being inside the hearts and minds of thousands of people at this point."

Wright said workplace romances tend to start not with action but feelings — fantasies, quiet longings, and "a mix of confusion and shame." If her client is having an in-office affair, she often finds it isn't about the new relationship at all; it's about igniting something they've lost within themselves.

Even if the relationship isn't an affair, romances between co-workers can be a headache not just for HR, but for colleagues who have to deal with their loved-up (or eventually broken-hearted) colleagues.

Work is fertile ground for intimacy

Workplace romances have been happening for hundreds of years. There are accounts dating back to 1870 of dalliances — then called "behaviors of no name" — between men and women in white collar offices, documented by the historian Julie Berebitsky, author of "Sex & The Office: A History of Gender, Power, and Desire."

We spend a lot of time with our coworkers. Bureau of Labor Statistics data shows that full-time workers average 7.6 hours of work per day. If you're awake for 16 hours a day, that means over a third of your waking life is spent at work — in person or over Slack.

"Simply seeing someone around frequently can make us feel more comfortable with and closer to them," Vanessa Bohns, a professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University, told BI.

It's called the "mere exposure" effect, Bohns said: "The more often you encounter someone or something, the more you report liking that thing or being attracted to that person." Add that to the "propinquity effect," the human habit of forming relationships with people we are physically close to.

"One famous study showed that people were more likely to develop close relationships with their next door neighbors than with people four doors down," Bohns added.

It makes sense: the more you're around someone, the more likely you are to build familiarity, learn their quirks, and see new sides to them.

Plus, coworkers often share goals, stress, a routine, and their environment. They might rely on one another for reassurance or help with difficult tasks. Day-to-day, your coworkers can help you feel safe, successful, and in control.

These "are raw materials for emotional intimacy," Wright said. That's why, while the workplace may feel like an inappropriate place for intimacy, in many ways it's natural.

"We're dressing up, problem-solving together, or feeling seen or admired in ways that probably don't happen at home when you're being nagged to empty the dishwasher and shampoo your kids' hair," Wright said.

"It's almost intoxicating to be seen by someone in your work world, especially if you feel unseen or taken for granted elsewhere."

The midlife desire to feel alive

In her clinical practice, Wright sees a "notable uptick" in workplace romances "between the late 30s and the early 50s," particularly among people in relationships.

"It's a season where people begin to reevaluate everything: their marriage, their purpose, their sense of vitality," Wright said. It's not about infidelity, per se; it's about identity.

If you're married with kids, you and your partner have probably done some of the hardest and least exhilarating stuff together — budgeting for daycare, packing lunches, doing taxes, and working out who's washing the dishes this time. Wright calls this "the grind stage" of relationships.

A juicy connection with a coworker "pierces the autopilot" of your domestic routine, possibly awakening long-buried parts of yourself, Wright said. Of course, if your relationship is already falling apart, a familiar face can also provide solace and support.

"What they're usually trying to work out in the room with me isn't 'should I pursue this?' but rather 'what is this awakening of me?'"

Is it OK to have a workplace romance?

There is a reason everyone is sharing that kiss-cam clip. It's the same reason workplace romances are so common in pop culture — take "Scandal," "Grey's Anatomy," or "The X-Files."

"It really kind of disrupts the fantasy that work is separate from life," Wright said. As outsiders, "we feel compelled to look at this, whether it's to condemn or to empathize, or honestly, because they're acting out a part of us that wishes we could do it. And we're wondering, well, what if I did that? It's a cultural lightning rod."

Is meeting someone at work inherently wrong? Not necessarily, but it's complicated.

According to research by the Society for Human Resource Management, workplace romances can increase the risk of awkward or hostile work environments (if it doesn't work out, seeing your ex every day is not exactly fun). There's also a risk other employees may file conflict-of-interest claims, Bohns said — you don't want other employees feeling like someone is getting special treatment.

The big question to consider if you want to enter into an office romance, though, is: what's the power dynamic? Does one of the people in this liaison have control over the other's career?

That's why Bohns believes workplaces should be proactive, designing policies that protect the individuals involved and their professional colleagues from confusing dynamics. "Policies that forbid workplace romance are bound to fail," Bohns said.

If you find yourself in an office romance, Wright suggests taking a moment to think about what emotional need this is tapping into — particularly if you're already in a relationship. With clients, her primary goal is to strip out any shame or sheepishness so they can get to the root of what it is igniting.

Sometimes, in the middle of spreadsheets and Slack messages, we don't just find connection, we find ourselves.