Occasionally, you might find yourself hungry in Somerset County, New Jersey, on, say, a Monday at around lunchtime. Where to eat? A couple of local establishments have recently gotten a lot of buzz. One, Trump National, the President’s golf club in Bedminster, made headlines for receiving a health-inspection grade of thirty-two, out of a possible one hundred. (Violations: expired milk, improperly stored meat, and a manager who “fails to demonstrate knowledge of food safety.” Also, no bins in the ladies’ room for used sanitary products.) This was the lowest score given in the county. The other, Ponche Suizo, an Ecuadorian place in North Plainfield, was in the news for being one of only a few other establishments with a score anywhere close. (“Ice machine has mold like substance”; thirty-four.)
Which one should you choose? The online reviews help a little. Ponche Suizo: “It reminds me of my childhood” (five stars). Trump National: “Everyone I came with got food poisoning” (one star). Both are small-business success stories. Ponche Suizo is run by two cousins who know the regulars by name. The country club is also a family business with a beloved proprietor. “When he walks in the dining room, everyone stands up and applauds,” one diner reported. But it wasn’t all positive. One reviewer complained that the owner is “in the Epstein files.”
An amateur restaurant critic driving through Somerset County took a closer look. First stop: Ponche Suizo. The restaurant was decorated with a wall-size photo of Ambato, Ecuador, next to a plastic waving cat. The reviewer was blown away by the encebollado mixto, a stew with albacore, shrimp, yucca, and onions, which was both hearty and delicate. The shrimp was fresh and tender: five stars. A side of fried plantains was fine but not caramelized enough: 3.5 stars. For dessert, the ponche, a fluffy milkshake concoction, was like eating a cloud made of eggnog: five stars.
Kevin Avalo, one of the owners, explained that the ponche is a secret recipe kept by one family in Ambato. The restaurant regularly flies one of the family members to New Jersey to make giant batches. Avalo attributed the poor health grade to the fact that the restaurant was new and had inherited some faulty appliances; he and his cousin recently replaced them, and earned a health score of ninety-four.
Avalo said that many of his customers are Spanish-speaking construction workers who sometimes don’t have cash, so the restaurant started a punch-card program that entitles diners to meals for a week. “We just try to help out as much as we can,” he said. A mural on one wall depicted a tortoise and a bird from the Galápagos. “There was a guy from Ecuador who paints by hand, and he needed money for the end of the month,” Avalo said. “It was a little bit out of our budget, but we knew, if we extend our hands, one way or another it will come back to us.”
Next up: Trump National. It is only open to members, so an auxiliary critic, who has dined frequently at the club, was enlisted. Everyone spoke English, though the club has drawn scrutiny for employing undocumented immigrants. There were no waving cats, but out front was a fountain with a lion shooting water out of its mouth.
What about the food? “My wife’s had the soups,” the critic reported. “She thinks they suck. I’ve had the octopus carpaccio. It sucks, and I love octopus. That’s one and a half.” Seafood freshness was a general problem. But the menu had some bright spots. “The Ivanka Salad I’d give a four,” he said. “The gyro is good—that’s a three and a half. But the Melania Wrap is a two.”
On some criteria, the two establishments were even. Both had friendly waitstaff. “These kids try really hard,” the auxiliary critic said. Like Ponche Suizo, the country club uses a tab system for payment. “You get billed for shit you didn’t have anything to do with sometimes,” the critic reported. Also like Ponche Suizo, the club has beautiful art that pays homage to the owner’s culture: “Walking up the stairs to the club room is an eight-foot painting of Trump being shot in Pennsylvania.”
The club critic was undaunted by the poor health rating. Many of the violations didn’t seem so bad—unlabelled condiment bottles, unrefrigerated butter. The club’s general manager has called the rating a “politically motivated attack.” The critic thought that it might have just been frustration. “I talked to someone who talked with one of the other county health inspectors right after that thing got published,” he said. The inspector complained that the club constantly ignored the health department’s recommendations. “They’re just so arrogant,” the critic recalled. (On reinspection, the club received an eighty-six.)
Which restaurant was the critic’s pick? “Probably the Ecuadorian place,” the Trump National reviewer concluded. “I prefer ethnic food, for starters. And it’s probably more reasonably priced.” ♦
