Courtesy of Lacey Banis
- Lacey Banis is a 46-year-old mom to 9-year-old Rory.Lacey was advised to fly from LA to see her dying dad in Florida.She asked Rory if she'd be open to showing him her most recent ballet performance.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Lacey Banis. It has been edited for length and clarity.
At the end of January, while in Los Angeles watching my daughter audition for a prestigious Chicago ballet program, I got a phone call from my brother telling me I should fly to Florida and see my dad in the hospital. It was suspected he wouldn't live much longer.
Although I had sent videos of Rory dancing to my dad and told him all about how well she was doing on the phone, he had never seen her dance in person.
I asked her if she would want to dance for my dad in the ICU. She didn't argue or complain about my request, even though she could have — she is very independent and strong-willed. She agreed.
He had been sick for a while
My dad had been sick for a while. A year ago, he had a bad fall and was never the same after. He couldn't walk, so he was placed in a long-term rehab center in Florida, where he developed underlying infections that put him in the hospital. The sepsis was initially so bad that they didn't want to operate, especially due to ongoing heart issues. Doctors thought an operation would end his life even quicker.
In the previous year, dance had become a huge part of my daughter's life. She had progressed much faster than I had expected in the short time since joining the pre-professional program at the Culver City Academy of Ballet.
She danced to the beeping machines
Whenever we went into his hospital room, everyone had to dress in full PPE gear to protect ourselves from the severe infection he had contracted.
With no music except the beeping of the medical machines, Rory danced a Paquita variation for my dad. She couldn't do the whole dance — his bed was huge and there was equipment everywhere — but she made do.
I watched him watch her, unsure if he was tracking what he saw. He really did. His eyes told me he knew his granddaughter was dancing for him.
I was not expecting much, as he was never overly effusive, so I asked him if he liked it. "Very good," he said.
Her performance affected me deeply
I knew it meant a lot to my dad to see Rory dance before he died months later, but it also affected me deeply.
I'll never forget that dance, and the fact that she agreed to it. It would have been a weird moment for her to see her grandfather hooked up to so many machines, only a shadow of what he used to be, but she did this one last thing for him. It was a gift I'll always remember.
Although she is smart and intuitive, I'm unsure she fully understood what the dance meant to a dying man. It wasn't until his memorial service in May that I saw her emotions let loose.
She danced at his service too
My mother had asked Rory to perform at the service.
Courtesy of Lacey Banis
After my brothers and I gave our eulogies, I went to check on her before she danced. She was crying, just bawling. The finality of life had hit her at once. No longer was it an abstract concept she read about in books. It was personal.
I didn't think she would be able to dance, so I asked if she was still up for it. She was.
Dance had become a way for her to process emotion. Though she didn't always have the words to express what she was feeling, she could feel through dance. She wore a burgundy leotard and skirt and danced with tears in her eyes. I think it will be one of her core memories she carries for life.
