Courtesy of Mary Ellen Collins
- I moved with my husband to a large condo complex in Annapolis.We figured that with so many nearby neighbors, meeting new people would be easy.We were wrong. When we arrived, we were struck by the silence in the building.
When my husband and I were done with Florida humidity and hurricanes, we moved to Annapolis for its focus on sailing, strong arts presence, nearby colleges, and temperate climate.
We had considered the coast of North Carolina, but once we visited Annapolis, that was it. The boats, old brick buildings, and walkability reminded us of a smaller, more manageable Boston, where we'd lived for 20 years before Florida. The New England vibe made it feel like home.
Since we were also tired of house and yard upkeep, we found what seemed like the perfect condo. It was in a beautifully landscaped, small complex tucked between a residential neighborhood and the historic downtown, filled with restaurants, shops, and theatres.
We could walk to a waterfront park in two minutes, and to the City Dock in 10. We were thrilled.
We knew we would miss our close-knit St. Petersburg neighborhood in Florida. However, we're friendly folks, and with 78 other condos that shared our new address, we figured finding a community would be relatively easy. We were wrong.
Our neighbors weren't as social as we'd anticipated
Courtesy of Mary Ellen Collins
When we arrived, we were struck by the silence in the building. It felt like a scene out of "The Twilight Zone." We went days without seeing anyone except the concierge.
Unlike the welcome traditions in our old neighborhood, no one came knocking with a plate of cookies or a friendly introduction.
On the rare occasions when we did run into a resident in the elevator or garage, the conversation was typically short. They'd ask where we were from, if we still had a home there (we don't), and then it would end with them usually saying, "Well, welcome." No invitation to meet up later or neighborly gesture, like to come by if we ever needed a cup of sugar.
The only exception was one lovely woman from our complex — she did invite us out to coffee with our immediate neighbors next door, who are friends of hers. Everyone seemed to have a good time, and I hoped it would become a regular thing, but it didn't.
In the 16 months since then, we've had coffee with the lovely woman once (we invited her). And the neighbors' subsequent perfunctory interactions indicated that they weren't interested in a neighborly relationship.
It still feels odd to know that people with whom we share a wall wouldn't be the ones we'd call on if we needed to borrow an egg.
A couple of residents have actually described the feel of our complex as "insular," so we know we're not imagining things. Many residents have second or third homes, which means this is just a place to roost temporarily, not a place where they want to put down roots — in the building or the town.
Our condo isn't the only place that feels insular here
peeterv/Getty Images
In our St. Petersburg neighborhood, we exchanged house keys, traded tools and plants, and were happy to feed pets or check on the pool for neighbors who were out of town.
It was a place where we helped out with a bouncy house birthday party and shared front yard cocktails while the street was swarmed with trick-or-treaters. Despite having a population of 250,000, St. Pete had a small-town feel for us.
Annapolis, with a population of 40,000, on the other hand, feels quite different. Several locals have even told us that Annapolis itself isn't that friendly to newcomers.
One said, "Oh, you have to live here for 30 years before you're accepted." He was joking, for the most part. Still, our experience hasn't been too far off.
We got most of what we wanted, but aren't positive it was the right move
As far as what we wanted from our new home, we're three for four.
We have several sailing clubs to choose from, we're involved with theatre and arts initiatives, and we've enjoyed some St. Johns College events.
Having to buy a winter coat and deal with snowy, unplowed streets was definitely not part of the plan, but we've adjusted.
The disappointing surprise is having to accept the fact that the building we live in is simply where we lay our heads and collect our mail.
Although we've identified a handful of friendly condo dwellers in the 17 months since we moved in, the vast majority seem committed to maintaining a sense of privacy over community.
Finding that community we valued has required much more time and effort on our part than it did in St. Pete, but we're trying.
As for whether the condo or the city was the wrong move, the jury is still out.
