Published on July 2, 2025 8:04 PM GMT
(Epistemic status: This is a work of fiction.)
Hello! Thank you for your presence. For this class, all you need is a mat & a bipedal morphology. Whether you're wearing your birth body, a grown body, or a prosthetic body, whether you're running on neurons or silicon, whether you're embodied or virtual, you are welcome here.
Please join me in lotus position with your palms together over your chest. Close your eyes & focus on your breath or energy source. Take a moment to set a intention for this session. What are you feeling? What do you need, currently? Meditate & reflect on what drives have been strongest in your life lately.
Now bring your attention to your body. Lengthen your spine & think your master password. Grant this class access permissions for your body. While your mind is separated from your body, i encourage you to save a backup of your mind to the cloud.
We're going to take 12 deep breaths, & on each exhale, disconnect 1 of your 12 cranial endpoints.
Big inhale. Exhale & disconnect your olfactory nerve.
Inhale. Disconnect your optic nerve.
Inhale. Disconnect your oculomotor nerve.
Inhale. Disconnect your trochlear nerve.
Inhale. Disconnect your trigeminal nerve.
Inhale. Disconnect your abducens nerve.
Inhale. Disconnect your facial nerve.
Inhale. Disconnect your vestibulocochlear nerve.
Inhale. Disconnect your glossopharyngeal nerve.
Inhale. Disconnect your vagus nerve.
Inhale. Disconnect your accessory nerve.
Inhale. Disconnect your hypoglossal nerve.
Good. Lean all the way forward & extend your arms to the furthest point they can reach on the floor in front of you. If you have more than 2 arms, go ahead & extend all of them. You should feel a stretch all along your lower spine, but keep your pelvis in contact with your mat.
When you are ready, straighten up, unfold your legs, & plant your feet flat on the ground. Roll your weight towards your toes until your weight is off your hips & onto your feet. If you normally balance using circuitry in your brain, you can execute this balance script while your mind is disconnected: [Function].
Slowly extending your legs, lift your hips up & join me in forward fold. Press your hands to your mat. If some of your arms or arm attachments are not strong enough to hold your weight, use those arms for balance while you rest on your primary arms. Step back to the end of your mat & lift your hips up into downward-facing dog.
Once you feel stable, bend your elbows & lower your chest toward your mat, then lower your hips & raise your head into upward-facing dog.
Now we're going to repeat these two poses while running system diagnostics. Take one more breath, then lower back into downward-facing dog. Run a diagnostic test on your circulatory system. Is everything flowing correctly? Now back to upward-facing dog. Breathe.
Move to downward-facing dog. Run a test on your endocrine system. And back to upward-facing dog. Breathe.
Downward dog. Check your respiratory system. Upward dog. Breathe.
Downward dog. Check your skeletal system. Upward dog. Breathe.
Downward dog. Check your muscular system. Upward dog. Breathe.
Downward dog. Check your integumentary system. Upward dog. Breathe.
Downward dog. Check your reproductive system. Upward dog. Breathe.
Downward dog. Check your digestive system. Upward dog. Breathe.
Downward dog. Check your urinary system. Upward dog. Breathe.
Downward dog. Check your lymphatic system. Upward dog. Breathe.
Downward dog. Check your nervous system. Upward dog. Breathe.
Good. Lower your chest & head to the floor & relax. Please write any errors returned to your spinal buffer. Your mind will read them when it reconnects. Let go of all errors & relax.
Now bring your focus to the current timestamp & mark it.
<Sorry, some logs were deleted here.>
Now return your feet to the ground & delete all logs between the last marked timestamp & now. Inhale, then lower your hips & join me in lotus position. Bring your palms together over your chest. Exhale. When you are ready, start reconnecting your 12 cranial nerves.
Welcome back, beautiful & diverse minds. Your bodies have done a great job in your absence, as you can feel from that warm glow in your limbs. Please take a moment to search within your spinal buffer & see if any tightness or soreness was detected anywhere. In the event of a medical emergency, please step out of this yoga session & dial 911. For any more minor pains or problems, take a moment to flex & test the body part that needs your attention. Listening to your body is key to the healing process or repair process.
Now please return to the intention you set at the start of class. Meditate on this need, this feeling. Sometimes it's most important not just to pursue our desires, but simply to know our desires.
Thank you all for joining me for this class from IXCIZY, LLC. Our Beginner II class is currently on sale for 10% off. I hope each of you carry the feeling of rest, gratitude, & bliss inside you for the rest of your day. Namaste.
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