Courtesy of the author
- As a high-achieving professional, I was blindsided by how motherhood shifted my work identity.I discovered my own bias against working mothers — even after becoming one myself.Supporting parents requires leadership that values flexibility.
I just didn't get it before I became a mom.
I have a photo of me about 12 hours after going into labor with my twins, at the hospital, working. My water broke while I was on a conference call. Thirty-six hours prior to that, I was presenting plans to our board explaining how everything would proceed while I was on maternity leave.
I sat there on the hospital bed, sending the last few emails detailing my meticulously planned transition. But what I couldn't plan for and what I don't think anyone truly can understand until they've experienced it, is the profound impact children have on your identity as a working professional.
I'm not proud to admit that for most of my career, I just didn't get it. My teams were full of mothers, and outwardly, I always did "the right thing," giving them flexibility to come in late or work from home, celebrating their children's milestones, and inquiring about their families.
But then, I returned to work after maternity leave.
I struggled with the things all working moms struggle with
I struggled once I was back at work. I sat through long meetings without breaks, embarrassed to excuse myself to pump in a room full of men. Or having to arrange childcare while my colleagues had partners who could easily cover. I missed the real conversations that shaped the company's direction, which happened before 8 a.m. or after 5 p.m., times when I wasn't present.
But I was part of the problem, too.
Becoming a parent made me recognize that I carried an unconscious bias against working mothers. I hired them, but I don't know if I believed they could "rise to the top." I didn't create an environment where that was possible because I hadn't evolved enough as a leader to understand how to support them properly.
I regret that.
It was like an identity transformation
What I discovered in those early months of parenthood wasn't just a new way of living; it was a complete identity transformation that few workplace cultures are designed to accommodate. The disconnect between how we structure professional environments and the realities of parenthood creates a nearly impossible tightrope for working parents to walk.
I'd been on both sides now: the ambitious professional who scheduled 8 a.m. meetings without a second thought and the mom trying to drop off twins at day care before rushing to make that same meeting. The disconnect was jarring.
But things can be changed
As a leader, I know I have both the opportunity and responsibility to reshape workplace culture. And came up with four simple actions that create environments where working parents can contribute their full
Reimagine meeting culture: Schedule important meetings during core hours (10 a.m.-3 p.m.) to ensure everyone can participate in crucial conversations regardless of family commitments.
Enforce time limits rigorously; what could be resolved in 45 minutes shouldn't expand to two hours simply because it's on the calendar.
Model the behavior you want to see: Creating genuine psychological safety around family needs requires leadership from the top. When leaders openly reschedule for their children's events without apology, it signals that family commitments are respected, not just tolerated.
These actions speak louder than any work-life balance statement in a company handbook.
Focus on outcomes, not hours: The most valuable metric isn't time spent in the office but the quality and impact of the work. This shift enables parents to integrate work with family responsibilities without sacrificing results.
Some of my most productive colleagues are parents who have mastered the art of efficient work because they simply don't have the luxury of wasted time.
Rethinking leadership:
What I've discovered through my journey is both surprising and valuable — the very experience that can make career advancement more challenging often cultivates essential leadership capabilities that benefit organizations.
Parents develop exceptional skills in prioritization and efficiency by necessity. We learn to make decisive choices about what truly matters, to communicate with clarity and empathy, and to solve problems with limited resources. These aren't secondary skills in today's workplace; they're core competencies for effective leadership.
The hardest part was changing myself
I wish I could say I came to these realizations quickly, but I did not. My daughters turn seven this year. At first, I found it easier to support others than to model behaviors in my own life. It wasn't until I overcame my insecurities about being a working mother that I finally found the courage to model these behaviors among my peers.
Two years ago, I launched my own business to be intentional about the life, both professional and personal, I wanted to live as a working parent. I wanted space and time to build the skill to navigate being both an executive and a mom. I'm selective with my clients, choosing those who not only respect but actively support my role as a working parent. I partner with a team of freelancers who, I hope, see me as a leader who practices what she preaches. Every day is an opportunity to model the behavior I want to see and make choices aligned with the type of leader I want to be.
For those who aren't caregivers or parents, my message is simple: you don't have to fully "get it" to provide the support working parents need. These practices benefit everyone — fathers, elder caregivers, and anyone who cares deeply about something outside of work.
And for those in the trenches figuring it all out: perfection is impossible, and often the hardest person to give grace to is yourself. Parenthood is a transformation that deserves patience, compassion, and time, especially from yourself.
