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- My youngest two kids are 12 and 14 and have formed important friendships in middle school.They're starting to have more frequent — and expensive — social events. While I'm happy their social lives are thriving, I'm not so thrilled about the financial impact.
I have four kids. My youngest son and daughter, 12 and 14, respectively, are in middle school. They've both formed important friendships during this time — no small feat for kids this age — and being able to maintain these bonds is important to them and to me. That often means spending money. My money.
Don't get me wrong. While I love seeing how happy my kids are as they branch out into the world, staying connected to their friends part of doing so means going to social events, including sleepovers, going on trips to the mall and movies, and other social outings, like dances and birthday parties. These often come with a price — sometimes, a hefty one.
Each social outing adds up
Movies, a popular weekend activity, include not just the cost of admission but also snacks. Even if they opt to get snacks for a more affordable price before hitting the theater, the cost of a ticket alone is steep, at $14.75 each.
A mall excursion costs between $20 and $40 for food and some sort of desired or needed item. I do my best to have them purchase something they actually need while they're there, so I'm getting the most for my money. My kids' friends often bring their Greenlight card, a debit card for kids, loaded with $100 or more.
More than once, they've come home complaining that they don't get the same. We've talked about how there will always be people with more than we have, and others who have less. The trick is to be grateful for all that we have, no matter how it stacks up to others. They're getting a valuable lesson with these trips for free, I suppose.
For me, the most costly endeavor of all, though, is a school dance, which happens in the spring. There are outfits, shoes, and nails. Acrylic nails are popular where we live in the suburbs of Southern Maine, and a full set costs between $60 and $80. Though we could have done her nails at home, I opted to get them done professionally as part of her graduation gift.
Outfits and shoes are purchased with a limit in mind at discount prices. Still, for my daughter's recent dance and graduation, we spent $35 on bedazzled heels to match the $50 dress. Accessories, a mix of affordable jewelry, included a necklace and earrings with a combined cost of $30. She got straight A's and worked hard during her three years of middle school. Still, the total cost was almost $200. I know this is far less than most of the parents in our town spend. It's less expensive for my son, as for him, I only have to worry about a nice shirt and some sort of name-brand, trendy shorts.
I don't want to stress my kids out, but I do want them to be aware of money
I've already done all of this with my two oldest, now 18 and 20. They needed and wanted the same things as their younger siblings. For me, the most important thing has always been setting limits and explaining the value and cost of things. While I don't want to stress my kids out, I want them to know that their dad and I work hard for our money. I also want them to understand that they can't and won't get everything they want.
Our younger kids, who aren't working yet, often save money from holidays or birthdays to get some of the things they ask for; sometimes, we will split the cost with them. We do pay for their necessities, and make sure to distinguish between the two, which has become a lesson in want versus need. Once my oldest children began to work, they realized just how difficult it is to earn money. They also understand the value of things and their true importance. I want my younger kids to learn the same lessons.
While we don't give weekly allowances, we reward them for helping with certain things around the house and for getting good grades. They also know they are expected to work when they turn 15 or 16. We don't want work to interfere with school, so we'll limit the number of hours they can work, just as we did with their older siblings.
Social ties are important for kids. I'm lucky my kids have found friendships where they feel they are part of something. While I wish the price of being social weren't so high, I don't mind that it gives me another opportunity to talk to them about money.
