本文探讨了通过“独一无二的爱好”（idiohobby）来建立更深层次人际关系的策略。作者认为，传统的通过共同爱好建立联系的方式，往往依赖于偶然性，而通过创造独特、持久的事物，可以更容易地与他人建立联系。这种方法鼓励人们分享自己的创造，并对彼此的创作进行了解和互动，从而建立更深厚的理解和联系，超越了表面的共同爱好。

🎨 传统建立联系的方式依赖于共同爱好。作者指出，如果爱好越普遍，人们之间的联系反而会越弱，例如“喜欢音乐”的人之间的联系，不如两个“喜欢Linux”的人，甚至不如两个“狂热熨烫爱好者”之间的联系紧密。

💡作者提倡创造独一无二的“idiohobby”。他建议通过创作持久的事物，例如写作或任何能体现个人思想的作品，来建立联系。这种方式能带来更深入的了解。

🤔 建立联系的关键在于了解对方的创作。与传统的询问“你喜欢做什么”不同，作者建议询问“你做了什么让我了解你”。通过这种方式，人们可以更深入地了解对方的创作及其蕴含的意义。

Published on May 23, 2025 6:38 AM GMT

When you get to know someone, you might ask about their interests or hobbies. From that, you can better decide what activity to invite them to join, or on what topic to have them converse, whenever you meet again.

Any interest or hobby appeals to variously many people. If you have the same interest as the person you meet, the commonality informs you much better about how to connect with them. Ceteris paribus, if the interest is more common, you and your interlocutor are more likely to share it, but would bond by it more weakly. Think, for example, of how two extreme ironers connect, versus two people who "like Linux", versus two people who just "like music". If, as typical, you befriend people by overlap of existing hobbies, meeting thoroughly-relatable people relies on much luck, rather than effort. We can do better.

Instead, make or do something unique that lasts, or that at least has effects and evidence that last. Ideally, your creation manifests your thoughts, as from a collection of essays. You and/or someone you meet — whoever has social effort to spend — looks at what the other did. From what you alone made follows a unique hobby — an idiohobby — of any activities which could precede and follow it. One would assume you're enthusiastic about any significant aspect of what you alone made.

If you treat idiohobbies like normal hobbies, you'd need to have made the same thing as the person you meet. The real criterion is a lower bar. You just have to become familiar with what the other person made, and willing to partake in its implications.

A normal person might ask "what do you like to do? Might some of that also be what I like?". I, in search of idiohobbies, will ask "what have you done by which I may know you?".

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