Annie Altman (20:32): they did, you know, when I did the vegan game intensely, I get also triggered or just sort of write off people. That's one of people's favorite things to poke vegans about of like, well, plants have feelings too. Like, it's not just the animal, and I'm always like, yeah, Consciousness to me I see sort of as a spectrum like you were talking about what isAnnie Altman (23:00): I figured out how to human more than you write. Other human, I'm more conscious. I'm more woke, right? I like that idea. A lot of is it about something about it? Is it something that brings us closer towards the unity? Or that separates people? Hmm more. Yeah. And that weaponizing Consciousness is a Are people using? This is religion just to. Yeah, right people or how can we Use consciousnesses. Say tools. Instead, totally remind us that none of us know we're doing. Yeah, none of us know the truth here.Annie Altman (24:11): That is the point of just helping other people wake up more and that's how we help ourselves to wake up more by connecting with other people by helping other people. 🟡That's I mean a huge. If not all of my motivation for this podcast is, let me learn from people's perspectives. So I can learn more about my own perspective and figure out how things feel to me. Through hearing about how things feel to other people🟡Annie Altman (25:36): right? Thank you. I appreciate that reflection a lot. Yeah. Food is a great example of this that we were talking about before two of their is not one diet. There's not one way of eating that works for everyone and all. So for each person, there's probably not one way of eating that's gonna work their whole life. And how to entertain the possibilities of being curious about how different it is for people and how different it's gonna be for ourselves rather than categorizing. And for me, it definitely came from a lot of very strict black and white categorization and very like with the god word and write pretty much just as soon as someone said the god word, I'd be like, all right, I'm done. Listening to anything. You say, like, you can keep talking, I'm just not gonna press and then I missed out on a whole demographic. People to learn from That's that's a silly. That's a silly practice. This is a really big issue in our country right now,Annie Altman (27:18): to Duality again, the part isn't just having two parties that Define each other based on the other party. It's not working out long term either. I would love to use the triggering as the shift sort of to question of, Where Consciousness originates in this idea that? Hmm, least in the Neuroscience community of Consciousness originates in the brain, right? Whereas 🟡for me the feeling of triggered It's a very physical feeling🟡 and there are about it.Annie Altman (27:52): there's all sorts of Neuroscience just now accepting like wait a minute. We're not just floating heads here. We have this whole body that is communicating to us with 🟡sweating, with our hair Rising, with our heart rate, changing with our breathing changing.🟡 And so in so much experience, you've done with body work, that's such a cool perspective to me of being aware of What your body's communicating I'm guessing that. Well, I'm not guessing we talked about of, you know, Consciousness in every cell with something. You said that really stuck with me that I loved and I'm not even sure what my specifically.Annie Altman (37:33): Whoa. Well, this is to go to combining consciousness of our mind and our fascia and our gut that in some ways. That's yeah, he's combining he's or even like a few saying, you know, bring your attention to your thigh. Yeah, it's saying. Okay, 🟡how can I connect that brain word talking to myself Consciousness, to This tangible physical part of me🟡 that is ironically and not coincidentally also literally connected and yes all the same, all the same thing. Yeah. That is Ludacris in the best way that he healed his fine. LikeAnnie Altman (38:41): 🟡I love using the word, remember there? I mean, that's a one. That's a word that comes up to me a lot with Consciousness and awareness is remembering and that idea of the yoga cliche that is cliche for being true that your answers are in you already. And it's seeking him out and finding them an remembering. And having other people help us. Remember. And helping other people remember.🟡 And totally,Annie Altman (39:25): Totally and then go back to 🟡triggers🟡. I find for me often that when I'm triggered by something more often than not. It's because there's some truth in there. Oh yeah, there's there's something that is Not only a lesson that there's something in there that I'm resisting all often, we don't want more. Yeah, dang, I'm triggered. Okay, like let's sit with this. Like what am I for sure. What am I avoiding here? What is yes. 🟡Why did that make my heart rate go up?🟡 Yeah. Or like why did I suddenly start slouching about thisAnnie Altman (52:33): awakened by sure by knowing about your body then I can get into the Dogma again of food things or of people saying this exercise is better than that exercise or Or judgments and I definitely still like things will come up in me of like, oh there, you know they're more flexible in this way or they're stronger in this way or that way. And then that must mean this or that must mean that and It's a yes, and like, they're to an extent. Our body's are telling a story and expressing their history and things we've done and then to an extent, they're just are, you know, some someone could practice yoga for years before being able to do the splits. Someone could be able to or Netflix or not. Yeah. And you know, anatomically. her body is in, this is why body work is so fascinating to me of how to personalize, I guess the journey for each body of coming into its own personal Consciousness, because That feeling of okay, bring your awareness to your left, big toe.Annie Altman (58:33): love his stuff. Yeah, it's amazing that To me epigenetics prove as much as anything can prove Collective Consciousness that 🟡we have feeling, we have memories stored in our body in ways that we have no idea about.🟡 So yeah it is not I I get a kick out of Like, when I'll hear people talk about their first experience, crying in a yoga pose, right? And I'm like, I love you. And it's a yes and like, You're special and 🟡everybody's cried in Pigeon pose🟡. If you, if you've done, there's like a certain threshold of the number of times you've done pigeon pose that you've cried and that Maybe that's something that happened to earlier that. I am pigeon because there's nothing wrongAnnie Altman (59:51): feelings are Stored in different parts for the body. And in a different ways and in a different people. And so pigeon pose is the one I use is the example, because hips. And that's that's the most common one. I've heard people cryingAnnie Altman (1:00:10): Maybe for me feeling like oh less of a weirdo or less different or less, whatever it can be helpful of like, oh yeah, that's a quote normal. Human thing to have that experience. Yeah, shape. then that's a great point, that People are gonna have different experiences or have similar experiences come up. Different shapes and yeah. Totally just a ramble of the benefits of yoga and exploring, but you're talking about Abby genetics where you have the body holding story. Yes, thank you. Yeah.Annie Altman (1:01:20): That will never know about. Yeah. And much like being a human and we're all just sort of winging it. Yeah. We're all just winging these big questions and maybe. Yeah, maybe that is the purpose as much as that irks. A part of me to not have more of a black and white answer. That the purpose is just Is what oh yeah, I feel like the moment. This is the moment, okay? That the answer is to just keep asking questions and keep exploring about. About all of this. And and this is feeling that I'm I'm a very scientific person and also a very feeling space person. And to me it's because feelings are huge part of our Consciousness and our awareness of it. And taping into Whatever Collective Consciousness is or feels like for sure. Is here to doAnnie Altman (1:08:12): all of these rules. Yeah. As they each gotten sort of less rule oriented, which is definitely me. Projecting a lot of my own Consciousness journey of letting go of rules and very rigid boundaries and yeah categorization totally do I relate.Annie Altman (1:12:41): And any human connection even like the conversation with someone else or yeah, sex is a super fascinating one because then that brings up touch. And connection. And Feelings being stored in your body and then well, it's alsoAnnie Altman (1:15:10): I think you for turning the question, I think I would say something along the lines of Consciousness is a physical, emotional and spiritual practice. and, or Consciousness is both personal and Collective. Getting into sort of what you were saying about how do we practice? Knowing ourselves and being true to ourselves and the feelings that are coming up in our own body. and The Duality of I'm connected to everyone. I'm talking to and everything around me and these things that go into my body food sex. The words that we consume the videos that we consume that then becomes me.Annie Altman (1:16:09): 🟡How do I Navigate both being my own separate entity🟡 and being connected to everything. And how can also how can those both exist at the same time, right? That I can. Move tangibly. 🟡Like there is a point where I stopped physically.🟡Annie Altman (1:16:31): and, To pull up epigenetics once again. That's a bullshit Theory to say that I'm just that 🟡I am only in this space of this body.🟡 

"Two months ago I met with Joe K, the owner of Urban Exhale Hot Yoga, to discuss the podcast episode we were going to record together. (I have since recorded podcasts with four other teachers at the studio and am completely unsure how to express my gratitude to Joe — honestly perhaps less words about it?) While I would be the one asking Joe questions on the podcast, he had an important question for me. With all the casual profundity of a yoga teacher, Joe asked, “what is your earliest memory?”"Without pause for an inhale I responded, “probably a panic attack.” I feel like Joe did his best asana poker face, based on projecting my own insecurities and/or the hyper-vigilant observance that comes with anxiety.""I began having panic attacks at a young age. I felt the impending doom of death before I had any concept of death. (Do I really have any concept of death now, though? Does anyone??) I define panic attacks as feeling “too alive,” like diving off the deep end into awareness of existence without any proper scuba gear or knowledge of free diving. Panic attacks, I’ve learned, come like an ambulance flashing lights and blaring a siren indicating that my mind and my body are… experiencing a missed connection in terms of communication — they’re refusing to listen to each other. More accurately: my mind is disregarding the messages from my body, convinced she can think her way through feelings, and so my body goes into panic mode like she’s on strike.""I went to a sound bath at the yoga studio about a month ago, the second sound bath I’ve ever attended. (I cried at both and if you know me you know that I am happy about things that help me cry.) Sound baths are a guided meditation where you lay in corpse pose and receive sounds of specific frequencies, allowing vibrations to “wash” over and through you. Some shit is bound to surface in the tides.""My dad died five months ago now, and to say I’ve learned a lot is an enormous understatement. I was and am a “daddy’s girl.” The most recent panic attack, and perhaps darkest one I’ve experienced, happened the week he died. My dad was one of the most genuinely positive people I’ve ever come across. He had an incredible capacity to continually focus on the light, the good, what was “right” in any situation. I felt his presence during parts of the sound bath — a concept past me would have rolled her eyes about.""Laying in bed later that night, Joe’s question popped back into my consciousness with a kind “please make your way into child’s pose.” I realized I had deceived myself (classic humaning) with my response to his question, “what is your earliest memory?”"Joe, and whoever is reading, I would like to formally change my answer. I am also without an exact answer. I am non-sarcastically “trusting the process” to potentially receive one. I know that a panic attack is not my answer, and my ego likes to remind itself that knowing what is not my truth leads me at least somewhat closer to said truth."""I can reflect on and connect with feelings of panic and still have space to choose a positive perspective. Searching for ways to cope with existence has lead me to yoga, dance, singing, ukulele, cooking, baking, writing… to asking all the questions I know to ask so that I can open myself up to knowing just how many more questions life has to offer. Without panic attacks, I may have lived my whole life without starting a YouTube channel, a podcast, or this blog.""Emotions come and go, so it keeps seeming. Emotions and memory are directly linked, re: the amygdala. I have little to no control over my emotional response; I do have control over my reaction and subsequent actions.""I write my own history. Though TBD on the first memory of that history. Here’s to exploring."

Annie Altman (6:56): Impact. Absolutely. And lots of layers within each person. I always like to joke about our own mind body. Communication. And the two of us each having our own mind body Communications that are communicating and then I love that you brought up someone listening as well and their own mind body communication as they're listening. And then perhaps if someone messages me about it and gives me feedback on the podcast and questions they like or don't like or topics, they would want to hear about and that sort of communication. And we also that reminds me of talking about communication. You mentioned the person who put us in contact and how, when you were starting out, he was someone who would communicate with you about? Hey, I like this. This is fun to listen to keep going. Keep communicating.Annie Altman (25:54): Wow. That's so beautiful. The podcast comes part of the healing process. I completely resonate with that. This is been A huge part of my own healing process of accepting that. There's no true shit and practicing communication and learning from people.Annie Altman (28:05): Yeah, really listening mine and openly rather than putting all your getting so caught up in the ritual of whatever your life is in your perspective. That You don't take on their perspective and really listen to what they're saying. Experience that with watching videos of things. like YouTube videos are a great example of things where I'll watch and depending on my own sort of state of mind. I'll project whatever onto that video and then I'll step back you're like wait, this is your own bullshit like isn't about whatever that person is or what they're doing or this is you not listening and that doesn't mean okay, you know, I'm gonna be friends with everyone and watch every video and that sort of that and that's sort of thing is much as Really removing. To get to go psychology terms. Removing my ego, To really listen to them and part of removing the ego being accepting that the ego is there. And that it's not fully removable ever that I do have my own bias and perspective How can I How can I let go of enough of that? To really Truly consume, whatever, I'm consuming. Well holding onto myself which I think is the ego protection of it.Annie Altman (29:51): Hmm, it does not seem like it in my 24 years of experience. It does not seem like it. The expansion of more people being able to put themselves, put their Express their feelings and put that out there and then they're being more. Well, in some ways people like, oh, it's over saturated. In a lot of ways. Also, there's just so much more content available for people to consume other people expressing their feelings so that they can then feel and express their feelings. 🟡It always comes back to feeling with me. It seems too. Yeah, seems too. Because of feelings to me are our mind body-communication.🟡Annie Altman (38:29): Yeah, that's definitely been. And is important for me to I like to say, I'm a really goofy serious person. And part of what I love about comedy is that And laughter in general. Is it helps me take life less seriously.Annie Altman (39:38): Those are beautiful words. I yeah, I have gotten significantly less serious and the less serious. I get the more seriousness I see. To be less serious about in me. Which is awesome part of the podcast, practice for me.Annie Altman (40:38): Yeah. Oh yeah. and remember, it's Sometimes I'll joke with I'll use the Everybody Poops, The book of everyone's going through the same shit to go literal on shit. Everybody's a human, they're all going through their own human being. this is one of my favorite topics of things because to me it's sort of a logical proof of Spirituality of interconnection of being kind to people. Is that we're all humans. We're all going through something we're all dealing with our mind body communication that we can only really experienced and then Express through podcasts and music and writing and attempt to learn a little bit more about that and help other people learn about theirs. and then also let go of that seriousness of what is the lesson here and what is the meaning and enjoy that where in a body that we have a mind that we can express ourselves and our feelings and Over here.Annie Altman (43:02): I appreciate you bringing that up. It is. It's true. It's Often I feel like getting going is easier or going is easier than getting going. And that people will talk about oh I want to start a YouTube channel and I want to start putting music on SoundCloud, I want to whatever and It sounds in words. So simple of going from saying to doing. And a lot of times people take a long time to do. And I found that in my experience, too, and I found like what you were saying earlier about, you know, it feels better when you do put out a podcast that it feels really good to do the things I say, I want to do and to put something out and to know that I can share something without it being perfect for me. It's the perfectionism that comes up. Usually that blocks me, from sharing something. And that I'm gonna offend someone or hurt their feelings and some way. This isn't perfect for everyone to receive and it's also makes me think of the brene brown. TED talks on vulnerability and just general the courage to show up and put part of yourself out there to express and communicate some part of you for other people to have. Whatever sort of response to it, that they're going to have.Annie Altman (45:38): definitely, there's a brene brown line of if you're not in the arena, you can't criticize people in the arena or I believe maybe it's the opposite. If you're in the arena don't listen to criticism from people out of the Arena. Not putting themselves out there too. It's sad to think about people feeling. Sort of Trapped in their own mind body communication, and not feeling. Worthy. I'll say of sharing their thoughts and feelings with the world however they want to. Maybe that's assuming though that more people do think everyone has some part of themselves they want to share or am I projecting that of my own?

Annie Altman (5:58): done. That was totally my perception. I was just exposed to I had my first sound bath, maybe a year and a half ago now, so I'm just know. It was inLauren Waggoner (6:11): Hawaii. YeahAnnie Altman (6:12): that was during good memory. That was during my yoga teacher training. and, I had no idea what I was getting into when I was still in. There. Very rigid. Science. Mine. And so I was like, a sound bath water. Like what is this nonsense?Lauren Waggoner (6:30): Yeah,Annie Altman (6:30): went bawled like Sobbed. Slept like a baby as he said and I was just like, what? The what like what is this? What just happened to really? And people. Will talk about, you know, aromatherapy and other senses and physical therapy, and sound and vibrations are seems like. And maybe this is because we're sitting here talking about it. It seems to me. Like, it's the one that's sort of coming intoAnnie Altman (10:22): in a sound bath and in any meditative practice that's doing less, it's letting go and especially in sound bath of Laying and being guided through meditation and just a very long corspe pose, yeah, with sounds to help you. For my two experiences to help you stay there.Lauren Waggoner (10:41): Mm-hmm.Annie Altman (10:43): And help you clean off all of those filters and all of those layers. And,Annie Altman (18:34): yeah, something with more excited and The more I've slowly experienced it. The more like even as you were saying that I was like, yeah. And what about taste and like different tastes coming, right? And I felt these things before and our body really gives us so much information.Annie Altman (27:19): 🟠🟠I used to be really sensitive to sirens when I was really little. I was one of those kids who would cry. I would get Dressed. I would get really worked up. I would plug my ears. It would take me a while to let go of it🟠🟠 when I would just get, so caught in. Oh my gosh, there's someone who's in trouble. Someone's house is burning.Guest: Oh yes, associations with the sound.Annie Altman (27:43): Exactly. Yeah, and putting it all those associations of it rather than Let's get curious,Lauren Waggoner (27:50): the present reality. Yeah.Annie Altman (27:52): Rather than the present reality, and there's a time and place for yes, Sirens are associated with these things. They're, this is a fire truck going somewhere. There's probably someone stuck somewhere. There's a fire. There is a whatever.Annie Altman (33:53): with silence. And I really can tangibly feel those feelings after concert after really loud music. The silence is so loud and it's amazing. And it really is a big part of it. It reminds me in terms of our breath, the pause in between the inhale and exhale and how often I know I can forget about the pause and just I'm aware, I'm inhaling. I'm aware, I'm exhaling and you're also. There's a pause there? Yeah, be aware of too. And I wrote down, I loved the, there's no real silence. That's there's, I'm gonna be chewing on that one. Yeah. Why is well or hearing or not hearing, or whatever words of, Your heart is beating your, your breath is making some noise. And we could go into all sorts of biological and spiritual things of your. Your blood is still pumping. Your there'sAnnie Altman (39:11): those like my past self who get very stuck on the science. The science is showing that there's a lot to explore here. So why not explore them in the present and just enjoy how itAnnie Altman (53:36): Yeah, it's you've got a lot to share about it and you've it's to again, sound in ways that Passed me would, would scoff at in a way currently loves that past three would scoff about, I can feel in my own vibrational all of the things in my emotions. The experiential knowledge, your emotions have had in this too. And how valuable that is of having felt that feeling State before.

Annie Altman (14:02): terrible is another Judgment of things of just I know in my tendency of wanting to rank and categorize things they do. That it can be comforting to act like I can compare and look at some outward things. And then no more feel like I know more that I am more worthy to me. That's another form of me taking things personally, interesting. Because like I'm making it about someone else. Something else? Yeah. Outside of myself rather than This is all about me and I like that you bring up Cockiness, like she's about a confidence and I'm gonna bring up Cockiness because as soon as I say, it's all about me, it makes me think, right? They Cockiness and I get very insecure about coming off as egotistical and like, I'm putting someone else down like I'm acting like, I'm better thanAnnie Altman (15:34): short. Thank you for asking me to. This is another one of my life, philosophies, everyone's a hypocrite. And I learned this by my perfectionist. Like I must always have all of my actions aligned perfectly to my words. So I have to only eat really healthy foods or only ever do really healthy activities or just being very rigidly.Margaux Leigh Hamiliton (15:52): PerfectionistAnnie Altman (15:53): about being 100% consistent, and reliable and yeah, all the time and that is not a sustainable practice that doesn't feel like a real vulnerable to my true self as a human practice to like, we were talking about of Everyone choosing different addictions to act like, oh, I'm above that. So I don't need to choose any addictions. I'm not going to drink or not, going to have coffee, even or pot. Or I'm not gonna happen because to me, it really comes back to the moment that I am. Placing someone else above or beneath me in terms of their skills at humaning-ing. Is the moment I'm taking personally and I've never put those together in that way before. So, thank you for asking about that.Annie Altman (17:20): I think called both of those words. Well I definitely as we were talking about before recording have stubbornly slowed, my life Pace even more and being like I'm not rushing. That shit makes me anxious so I'm just not gonna do it. That's we're all gonna die. One day to go into more biddy. Nobody makes out a life alive.Annie Altman (18:18): for me recently. I'm also realizing it's actually as I express it out loud and accepting that because I definitely put myself on a high standard of always needing to have all of these things fit together. Perfectly consistently and reliably and Yeah, and then taking it personally if someone did something that to me felt like they were pointing out how I wasn't. Perfect about something, right?Annie Altman (22:07): I'm so glad I am. I'm I have learned so much on every one of these podcasts to blow my mind as I was saying, Hewitt his in. Three months not even his changed my speech patterns.Annie Altman (27:08): I've noted that the nicer I talked to other people, the nicer. I talk to myself andMargaux Leigh Hamiliton (27:13): vice versa. Yeah.Annie Altman (27:14): And that comes again to the personal thing because what I'm taking things personally that I'm not generally talking is kindly to people and in taking it personally, I'm not talking, I'm talking less than kindly to myself, too, because I am, Personally, feeling some Judgment of, oh, I'm not working hard enough. I'm not. Pretty enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not at whatever enough. and so I mean it to myself about it, a lot, a lot of this, I'm realizing comes to the Base practice of being gentle with yourself, which I had a meditation. A meditation, a meditation. Teacher saying, College was if He said, I could give one piece of advice to all Millennials and all people.Annie Altman (28:25): Yeah, the things that we say to ourselves when, and it really comes up, when we take stuff personally and we feel attacked and triggered and then we start saying things to ourself that we would never say to a friend that we would It's laughable, and it's laughable in a laugh. So I don't cry about this way because the more I reflected on this, the more I have seen how much of my life I spend as an asshole to myself which is an asshole. Comment, just say about my past self and feels like my true shit of just focusing on the flaw the wrong. The what I was doing that was not enough that someone else was a higher rank better than me, whatever more worthy than me rather than Where were the in different ways? The cliche of people being on their own journeyAnnie Altman (31:34): my personal priorities that I feel comfortable, having teachers have similar ones too, are Safety and breathe. Breathe. Number one, and Being mindful about your body, getting safely in and out of postures. So doing things that don't like being mindful of. you know, warming, a certain muscle or certain part of the body, the spine up in it and we're going into somethingAnnie Altman (1:06:49): perceiving judging is about how open someone is to plan a changing and how much they want structure and schedules why I would have put, you know, okay, my point more here was that All these personality tests and how fun it is to talk about astrology and all these things. It's another dance between Having labels having categorization putting people in different boxes so we can make sense of them. Well also Letting go of that rigid attachment to. This is who someone is and and this Enneagram type is quote better than that Enneagram. It's not they're just Personality. Yeah, I

"The podcast episode that three of these immediate biological relatives came on before those happenings, and refuse to post about, was originally supposed to be about “projecting” and instead became about “feedback."" [AA20b]Again: as I understand it, at this point in time, Annie still has not yet fully remembered the abuse she experienced Sam (and her other brothers) during her childhood. This is why she is ok with doing this podcast episode with Sam and her other brothers.

"I started taking birth control pills at the age of 15 (I’m currently 25) and decided to stop taking them right before my 23rd birthday {~2017}. Also around this same time {~2017} I finished tapering off of Zoloft, which I started taking at age 13 {~2007} to help with symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anxiety, and Depression. Also also around this time {~2017} I drastically altered my diet...I promptly lost my period and learned that changes relating to diet, hormonal birth control, and psychiatric medications are three of the main factors that can disrupt hormonal balance (stress being the baseline factor).""I’m experiencing a second puberty, or maybe an aftershock of sorts from first puberty and/or a year without my period. It feels like a hormonal “do-over” filled with moments of deja-vu: three new crushes in one week, intense crying and laughter in the same hour, and generally going about my day acting like I’m far less confused by all this internal “shifting” than I’m actually feeling. Plus days that feel exceptionally “average” leaving me extra confused about how dramatic life felt the day before. I’m fortunate to have received a liberal education and even so there were inevitable gaps in the information I was given, and open to receiving, about puberty.""I majored in Biopsychology in college, with a minor in dance, and took all the prerequisite courses for medical school. Then I noped out of the pre-med route to focus on movement, writing, comedy, music, and food. I got certified as a yoga teacher, worked for an online CSA (community-supported agriculture) company, began writing more frequently, started slowly going to open mic nights and putting videos on YouTube, and began a podcast and this blog. I’m learning to give myself space to explore what genuinely excites me without justification and I’ve felt levels of self-consciousness around my career swerve that I had not experienced since first puberty. HOW will I get my intellectual ego stroked without constant science classes? How can art really have no “right” answer? Am I really the only one who can validate how my feelings feel??""It’s been almost a year now since I got my period back and I feel I’ve been going through a sort of spiritual and scientific second puberty, to continue the soap operatics. A year extra filled with learning about my body’s cycle(s) and signals. Witnessing my hormones re-regulate has felt parallel to to self-soothing, not that I consciously remember learning that, and my first time with “my moon.” I started eating eggs again, including runny yolks for the first time, and ate fish for the first time in my life because my body very literally demanded them. A year without my period, after a decade of having it, felt like equal parts reset and emptiness.""I believe a large portion of shame takes root during puberty and then manifests as sexual repression, (sexual) aggression, body dysmorphia, addiction, and/or mood disorders. I can say for certain that has been my experience. Shame encourages ignorance by stifling conversations. Additionally, shame creates a feedback loop where ignorance is shamed and so questions and curiosity are discouraged."

Source: https://x.com/paulg/status/1796107666265108940

From [NYT23a]:

"He {Sam} also began working on several projects outside the investment firm, including OpenAI, which he founded as a nonprofit in 2015 alongside a group that included Elon Musk. By Mr. Altman’s own admission, YC grew increasingly concerned he was spreading himself too thin."

From [WSJ23b]: 

"In 2019, Altman was asked to resign from Y Combinator after partners alleged he had put personal projects, including OpenAI, ahead of his duties as president, said people familiar with the matter.""Altman turned Y Combinator into an investing powerhouse. While serving as the president, he kept his own venture-capital firm, Hydrazine, which he launched in 2012. He caused tensions after barring other partners at Y Combinator from running their own funds, including the current chief executive, Garry Tan, and Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian. Tan and Ohanian didn’t respond to requests for comment.""Altman also expanded Y Combinator through a nonprofit he created called YC Research, which served as an incubator for Altman’s own projects, including OpenAI. From its founding in 2015, YC Research operated without the involvement of the firm’s longtime partners, fueling their concern that Altman was straying too far from running the firm’s core business.""By early 2018, Altman was barely present at Y Combinator’s headquarters in Mountain View, Calif., spending more time at OpenAI, at the time a small research nonprofit, according to people familiar with the matter.""The increasing amount of time Altman spent at OpenAI riled longtime partners at Y Combinator, who began losing faith in him as a leader. The firm’s leaders asked him to resign, and he left as president in March 2019.""Graham said it was his wife’s doing. “If anyone ‘fired’ Sam, it was Jessica, not me,” he said. “But it would be wrong to use the word ‘fired’ because he agreed immediately.”""Jessica Livingston said her husband was correct.""To smooth his exit, Altman proposed he move from president to chairman. He pre-emptively published a blog post on the firm’s website announcing the change. But the firm’s partnership had never agreed, and the announcement was later scrubbed from the post.""For years, even some of Altman’s closest associates—including Peter Thiel, Altman’s first backer for Hydrazine—didn’t know the circumstances behind Altman’s departure."

"1. OCD2. Anxiety3. Depression4. A lack of awareness about how a uterus is literally an additional organ inside the abdomen’s of roughly half of all humans5. A belief that a stomach that does not fold when a whole body folds is a body that exists6. A belief that any body’s appearance is fixed its entire lifetime7. A belief that anything in this physical world is fixed, ever8. Media of all forms (especially advertising)9. Equating appearance (and perspectives on appearance) with value10. Equating numerical values with black and white rules, always11. A belief that I could control my body completely with enough will power12. A belief that controlling my body could control my entire life13. A belief that controlling my body could control its inevitable decay (lack of knowledge that fearing death is fearing actually living life)14. Equating control with peace and happiness15. A tendency towards being self-critical16. Ego17. Privilege18. Taking this existence way extra seriously"