文章指出，学习新的沟通方法后，人们容易陷入“规则至上”的误区，热衷于指出他人违反沟通规范的行为。然而，在真实世界中，这种“好心”的批评往往被视为权力游戏，适得其反。文章强调，沟通的目的是理解而非操控，如果沟通技巧反而使沟通变得困难，则需要反思。应将沟通方式视为个人选择，而非强加于人的普遍真理。文章最后提到了与此相关的偏见盲点效应，即人们更容易发现他人的思维错误。

🧑‍🏫学习新的沟通方法后，人们容易陷入“规则至上”的误区，热衷于指出他人违反沟通规范的行为。在练习环境中，这种反馈是被允许甚至鼓励的，但在现实世界中却可能适得其反。

💪这种“好心”的批评往往被视为权力游戏，被认为是炫耀优越知识的表现。人们不喜欢被指责沟通方式不当，因为这会让他们感到被操控。

🚧沟通的目的是理解而非操控。如果沟通技巧反而使沟通变得困难，则需要反思。不要试图利用沟通技巧来操控他人，而应专注于理解对方的观点和感受。

🎯应将沟通方式视为个人选择，而非强加于人的普遍真理。与你一起练习的人已经承诺遵守相同的规范，但外部世界的大多数人并非如此。

Published on March 12, 2025 5:20 PM GMT

When you start practicing a shiny new communication method—like neatly sorting your observations from your judgments—you tend to pick up a few rules on how you “should” talk. You learn these rules from courses, books, or practicing with other rule-followers.

Soon enough, you're helpfully pointing out when someone steps outside the boundaries of your newly-adopted communication norms. In a practice setting, this kind of feedback is expected—even encouraged—though not always gratefully received.

But here's the kicker: when you leave the bubble of your training grounds, reality hits. Turns out most people aren't thrilled about unsolicited critiques of their communication habits. They see your helpful hints as power moves—like you’re flexing superior knowledge. And, annoyingly enough, they’re not entirely wrong.

See, once you've found your shiny new communication tool, it's easy to think you've hit the jackpot. Anyone who doesn't play by your rules suddenly seems like a clueless outsider or an outright jerk. You're tempted to point out all the ways they're failing to communicate properly, but that's not constructive—that’s you trying to rig the game in your favor.

Nit-picking other people's communictation isn't helping you understand them; it's a shadowy way to tilt the arena in your favor. If your communication practice makes communication harder, something is off.

To prevent this failure mode, treat your communication style as something you've chosen for yourself—not a universal truth you impose on everyone else. The people you practice with have committed to the same norms as you; this is not true for most people in the outside world.

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P.S: This is related to the bias blind spot - an effect where learning about ways you can fail at thinking is very helpful for spotting thinking errors—in other people.
 

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