在当今社会，青少年承受着巨大的学业压力，这种压力不仅来自学校和社会，也来自家庭和社交媒体。为了帮助青少年摆脱这种压力，记者Jennifer Breheny Wallace通过研究和调查，提出了几项建议，这些建议旨在帮助家长创造一个安全、支持性的环境，让孩子在学业上取得成功，同时保持良好的心理健康。她认为，家长应该给予孩子无条件的爱和支持，帮助他们认识到自己的价值，并鼓励他们追求有意义的目标，而不是仅仅追求成绩和物质成功。此外，家长也需要关注自己的心理健康，建立强大的支持网络，以更好地应对压力和挑战。

💖 **创造一个充满爱和支持的家**：家长应该将家庭变成一个避风港，让孩子从学校和社交媒体的压力中得到解脱。他们应该减少对孩子的批评，多表达爱意，让孩子感受到家人的温暖和支持。当孩子回到家时，家长应该先询问他们的感受，而不是立即询问他们的成绩。 家长应该让孩子明白，他们是被爱和被重视的，即使他们没有取得最好的成绩。这可以帮助孩子建立自信，并勇敢地去尝试新的事物，因为他们知道即使失败，家人仍然会爱他们。

✨ **帮助孩子找到自我价值**：家长应该让孩子明白，他们的价值不仅仅取决于他们的成绩和成就。他们应该鼓励孩子发展自己的兴趣爱好，并帮助他们找到自己的优势和特长。 家长可以从孩子的兴趣爱好出发，帮助他们参与到各种活动中，并鼓励他们去尝试不同的角色。例如，如果孩子喜欢绘画，家长可以鼓励他们参加绘画比赛，或者帮助他们找到一个绘画老师。 家长还可以通过一些简单的方式来表达对孩子的赞赏，例如，夸奖孩子的努力，鼓励他们的进步，或者为他们的作品感到自豪。

💪 **成为孩子最坚定的支持者**：家长应该成为孩子最坚定的支持者，帮助他们克服学习上的困难。当孩子遇到困难时，家长应该耐心倾听，并帮助他们找到解决问题的方法。 家长应该帮助孩子制定学习计划，并鼓励他们坚持下去。他们还应该帮助孩子建立良好的学习习惯，例如，制定学习计划，保持良好的作息时间，以及营造安静的学习环境。 家长也应该注意自己的情绪，不要将自己的焦虑和压力传递给孩子。当孩子遇到挫折时，家长应该鼓励他们，并告诉他们要相信自己，他们一定可以克服困难。

🤝 **避免过度追求“成功”**：家长应该避免过度追求孩子的“成功”，并帮助他们认识到，成功并不仅仅是成绩和成就。 家长应该鼓励孩子去追求自己真正喜欢的事物，并帮助他们找到人生的意义和价值。他们应该让孩子明白，即使他们没有取得最好的成绩，他们仍然是一个有价值的人。 家长还应该注意自己的价值观，不要将自己的价值观强加给孩子。他们应该让孩子明白，真正的成功是找到自己的人生目标，并为之努力奋斗。

🌈 **照顾好自己的心理健康**：家长也需要照顾好自己的心理健康，因为他们也是人，也会感到压力和焦虑。他们可以寻求朋友、家人或专业人士的支持，以帮助他们应对压力。 家长可以参加一些放松的活动，例如，运动、瑜伽、冥想等。他们还可以阅读一些关于心理健康的书籍或文章，以帮助他们更好地了解自己的情绪和压力。 家长也可以通过与其他家长交流，分享自己的经验和感受，以获得支持和鼓励。

🧠 **不要过分强调成绩**：家长应该意识到，成绩只是孩子成长过程中的一部分，并不是全部。他们应该鼓励孩子去探索自己的兴趣爱好，并帮助他们找到自己的价值。 家长不应该将孩子的成绩与自己的价值联系在一起。他们应该明白，孩子的成绩并不代表他们的能力和价值。 家长应该帮助孩子树立正确的价值观，让他们明白，人生的意义在于追寻自己的梦想，而不是仅仅追求成绩。

💫 **建立强大的支持网络**：家长应该建立强大的支持网络，以帮助他们应对压力和挑战。他们可以与其他家长交流，分享自己的经验和感受，以获得支持和鼓励。 家长还可以参加一些社区活动，结交志同道合的朋友。他们也可以寻求专业人士的帮助，例如，心理咨询师或治疗师。 家长应该明白，他们并不孤单，有很多人都经历过类似的挑战。他们可以互相支持和鼓励，共同克服困难。

💯 **关注孩子的情绪**：家长应该关注孩子的情绪，并帮助他们表达自己的感受。当孩子感到压力或焦虑时，家长应该耐心倾听，并提供支持和帮助。 家长可以鼓励孩子参加一些放松的活动，例如，运动、瑜伽、冥想等。他们还可以帮助孩子找到一些健康的宣泄方式，例如，绘画、写作、音乐等。 家长应该明白，孩子的压力和焦虑是正常的，他们需要的是家人的理解和支持。

💡 **不要将自己的焦虑传递给孩子**：家长应该注意自己的情绪，不要将自己的焦虑和压力传递给孩子。他们应该保持冷静和理性，并帮助孩子找到应对压力的方法。 家长可以与孩子一起制定学习计划，并帮助他们建立良好的学习习惯。他们还可以鼓励孩子参加一些放松的活动，例如，运动、瑜伽、冥想等。 家长应该明白，他们的焦虑和压力会对孩子造成负面影响。他们应该努力控制自己的情绪，并为孩子创造一个安全和支持的环境。

🌟 **不要过分关注孩子的未来**：家长应该避免过分关注孩子的未来，并帮助他们活在当下。他们应该鼓励孩子享受生活，并帮助他们找到自己的兴趣爱好。 家长应该让孩子明白，未来是不可预知的，他们应该专注于当下，并努力做好每一件事。 家长应该帮助孩子树立正确的价值观，让他们明白，人生的意义在于追寻自己的梦想，而不是仅仅追求物质成功。

🙏 **不要将自己的压力强加给孩子**：家长应该避免将自己的压力强加给孩子。他们应该明白，孩子有自己的生活和压力，他们不应该把自己的压力和焦虑传递给孩子。 家长应该努力控制自己的情绪，并为孩子创造一个安全和支持的环境。他们应该让孩子明白，他们是被爱和被重视的，即使他们没有取得最好的成绩。 家长应该帮助孩子树立正确的价值观，让他们明白，人生的意义在于追寻自己的梦想，而不是仅仅追求成绩和物质成功。

🤝 **建立良好的沟通**：家长应该与孩子建立良好的沟通，并鼓励他们表达自己的感受。他们应该耐心倾听孩子的想法和感受，并帮助他们解决问题。 家长应该创造一个安全和支持的环境，让孩子可以自由地表达自己的想法和感受。他们应该让孩子明白，即使他们犯了错误，家人仍然会爱他们。 家长应该帮助孩子树立正确的价值观，让他们明白，人生的意义在于追寻自己的梦想，而不是仅仅追求成绩和物质成功。

✨ **鼓励孩子探索自己的兴趣爱好**：家长应该鼓励孩子探索自己的兴趣爱好，并帮助他们找到自己的优势和特长。他们应该让孩子明白，人生的意义在于追寻自己的梦想，而不是仅仅追求成绩和物质成功。 家长可以帮助孩子找到一些兴趣小组或俱乐部，并鼓励他们参加一些活动。他们还可以帮助孩子找到一些志同道合的朋友，并鼓励他们互相支持和鼓励。 家长应该让孩子明白，他们是被爱和被重视的，即使他们没有取得最好的成绩。他们应该帮助孩子树立正确的价值观，让他们明白，人生的意义在于追寻自己的梦想，而不是仅仅追求成绩和物质成功。

💪 **帮助孩子建立自信**：家长应该帮助孩子建立自信，并鼓励他们相信自己。他们应该让孩子明白，即使他们犯了错误，家人仍然会爱他们。 家长可以鼓励孩子参加一些活动，例如，演讲比赛、辩论赛、体育比赛等，以帮助他们克服胆怯和害羞，并建立自信。 家长应该让孩子明白，他们的价值不仅仅取决于他们的成绩和成就。他们应该鼓励孩子发展自己的兴趣爱好，并帮助他们找到自己的优势和特长。

💖 **让孩子感受到你的爱和支持**：家长应该让孩子感受到你的爱和支持，即使他们没有取得最好的成绩。他们应该让孩子明白，他们的价值不仅仅取决于他们的成绩和成就。 家长可以多花时间陪伴孩子，与他们进行交流，并表达对他们的爱和支持。他们还可以鼓励孩子参与一些家庭活动，例如，一起做饭、看电影、玩游戏等。 家长应该让孩子明白，他们是被爱和被重视的，即使他们没有取得最好的成绩。他们应该帮助孩子树立正确的价值观，让他们明白，人生的意义在于追寻自己的梦想，而不是仅仅追求成绩和物质成功。

💡 **帮助孩子树立正确的价值观**：家长应该帮助孩子树立正确的价值观，让他们明白，人生的意义在于追寻自己的梦想，而不是仅仅追求成绩和物质成功。 家长可以与孩子讨论一些关于人生价值观的问题，例如，什么是成功？什么是幸福？什么是人生的意义？ 家长应该让孩子明白，他们的价值不仅仅取决于他们的成绩和成就。他们应该鼓励孩子发展自己的兴趣爱好，并帮助他们找到自己的优势和特长。

💯 **不要过分关注孩子的成绩**：家长应该意识到，成绩只是孩子成长过程中的一部分，并不是全部。他们应该鼓励孩子去探索自己的兴趣爱好，并帮助他们找到自己的价值。 家长不应该将孩子的成绩与自己的价值联系在一起。他们应该明白，孩子的成绩并不代表他们的能力和价值。 家长应该帮助孩子树立正确的价值观，让他们明白，人生的意义在于追寻自己的梦想，而不是仅仅追求成绩。

🌟 **让孩子感受到你的爱和支持**：家长应该让孩子感受到你的爱和支持，即使他们没有取得最好的成绩。他们应该让孩子明白，他们的价值不仅仅取决于他们的成绩和成就。 家长可以多花时间陪伴孩子，与他们进行交流，并表达对他们的爱和支持。他们还可以鼓励孩子参与一些家庭活动，例如，一起做饭、看电影、玩游戏等。 家长应该让孩子明白，他们是被爱和被重视的，即使他们没有取得最好的成绩。他们应该帮助孩子树立正确的价值观，让他们明白，人生的意义在于追寻自己的梦想，而不是仅仅追求成绩和物质成功。

While I am years out of high school, my memories of crumbling under its demands remain sharp in my mind. After returning from cross-country practice in the evening and speeding through dinner to crack the textbooks awaiting me, tears would often fall on my pages under the pressure—self-inflicted, social, and familial—to be perfect by achieving the highest grades, exceeding in every class and extracurricular, and getting into the best college.Today, teens are under that same pressure—if not more, thanks to the added weight of social-media comparison—and we know much more about how detrimental that can be to their mental health.That obsession with success is a topic that piqued the interest of journalist Jennifer Breheny Wallace, mom to kids ages 19, 17, and 14. She began to research the topic when her eldest son was in eighth grade, and published her findings in a book published last year, Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—And What We Can Do About It.“Achievement is not the problem,” Wallace tells Fortune she learned. “It’s the way that we’ve come to talk about achievement.”In the most extreme cases, teens turn to substance abuse, isolation, depression, and suicidal thoughts when they feel under constant pressure to achieve and believe they cannot live up to it.But after doing two national surveys of over 6,000 parents and 500 young adults as part of her research, Wallace uncovered patterns crucial to ensuring kids can be successful, both academically and mentally, and on the path to becoming well-adjusted adults. Below, some of Wallace’s advice about how parents can provide shelter from the storm of toxic teenage pressures. Show your kids the joy you feel from being their parentWallace says one of the first things parents can do is make home a “haven” from the pressures they feel at school and on social media to constantly achieve.To do that, minimize criticism and prioritize affection, Wallace says. She uses the phrase “greet them like the family dog greets you” when they get home: In other words, show them the pure joy you get just from being their parent. Instead of immediately asking them how they performed on a test the moment they walk through the door, she says, ask them how they’re doing.That turns home into “a place our kids never feel like they have to perform a certain way to be lovable to us,” Wallace tells Fortune. Help them see that they matter outside of achievementOne of the biggest takeaways Wallace found in her research was the importance of “mattering.” This is when children feel like they are valued and that they add value to the world around them, she explains. That feeling should transcend test scores, where they go to college, what they look like, and what kind of accolades they receive.“We love our kids unconditionally, but they don’t always feel like we regard them unconditionally,” Wallace says.She noticed that kids who struggled most felt their purpose was contingent on performance—causing them to shy away from taking big risks out of a fear of failure that would take away their value.But how do you help your kids feel like they matter? By getting to know them, Wallace says. Show them that they add value to the world because of who they are at their core. She says even by noticing the little things about them—how funny they can be, little quirks about them that you love—you show them you value their whole person, not just their measurable achievements.When children feel like they matter, Wallace says, it acts as a “protective shield,” and often has the added benefit of allowing them to be more successful. They’re willing to strive for bigger goals knowing they matter outside of the outcomes of them, she says. “Through mattering…we give our kids a kind of healthy fuel that propels them to achieve, and to achieve for things that mean more than just individual success and resume building,” Wallace says. “It sets our kids up to find purpose.”For help in getting to know your child, Wallace recommends the Values in Action survey, which can guide parents and kids to better understand their unique character strengths. “Signal to kids that you believe they can do this,” Wallace says. And if they can’t, she adds, make sure they know your love doesn’t waver. “The primary job of a parent is to support a kid’s development of sense of self.”Be their biggest supporterAlso crucial is to not let your own frustrations negatively impact interactions around their schoolwork.If your child is struggling, instead of getting frustrated with them, start to investigate any underlying reasons, Wallace suggests. Are they having a difficult time socially? Is their workspace at home too distracting?Wallace says parents can help kids focus on getting work done at home by creating a plan with them, rather than only focusing on the outcomes of their work. That is often easier when parents lean into their kids’ strengths while getting involved in the process. Parents are often wired to focus on what’s going wrong, she says, not what they are already doing well.But, Wallace says, it’s important to “let your child know you’re on their team,” and that means helping them focus on their strengths.Be mindful of how you share inputHow you communicate your frustrations is crucial, too. If you do get upset with them, Wallace says to make sure you “separate the deed from the doer.” You might not like what they did, but you have to make sure they know you still love them.“That is really one of the most challenging things for a parent,” Wallace acknowledges, especially when you’re tired, stressed, and lacking bandwidth. Take a beat and get yourself in the right frame of mind to express how you feel, so your kids know you don’t think they are bad, even if their behavior is.Be aware of status anxietyFor millennials who felt the financial strain and economic uncertainty from the 2008 recession and are now parents themselves, Wallace says they have started “safeguarding” their children’s economic futures by pushing for them to go to prestigious colleges. That is what she calls “status anxiety,” in which parents impose pressure on their children out of fear that they will face economic hardship if they aren’t high-achievers.What that’s resulted in, Wallace says, is additional stress that kids don’t need.If you might be subconsciously externalizing status anxiety in how you talk to your children, the first step is to reflect and get aware, Wallace says. The next: Get clear on your values.Wallace says the best way to combat this is to make sure both you and your children are not surrounded by messages that activate status-seeking extrinsic values, such as finding worth in high test scores, a high income, and appearance-driven behaviors.She recommends taking a hard look at your own calendar first—are you prioritizing things that bring you intrinsic satisfaction, like family dinners and time with friends? Wallace says you want to model the behavior that ensures your children won’t prioritize the pursuit of extrinsic goals, which can lead to an absence of mattering and self-worth if values come from goals surrounding status over meaningful purpose.Take a look at their calendars too, she says, to see what sort of values they are spending their time on. Don’t forget to take care of yourselfParents are under a lot of pressure too, says Wallace. The Surgeon General’s most recent advisory on parental well-being highlighted financial strain, isolation and loneliness, and cultural pressures as just a few of the factors causing the current mental health crisis for parents. In Wallace’s survey conducted with Harvard (published in her book) of over 6,000 parents from early 2020, 83% of parents somewhat or strongly agreed that their children’s academic success is a reflection of their parenting. And now, they might be panicking as they try to balance worrying about their children’s futures with not being too overbearing in supporting their kids’ success.But if there’s one takeaway Wallace has for parents trying to manage their own stress, it’s this: “Never worry alone.”Instead, prioritize a strong support network, which can be built by getting clear on your values. Because not only will valuing meaningful relationships lessen parental isolation through a strong support system, says Wallace, it will model intrinsic values and healthy behaviors for your children.“It’s never been harder to be a parent,” she says. “You are worthy of support…of surrounding yourself with people who value you.”More on teens and mental health: