Published on October 9, 2024 4:01 PM GMT
Have you ever felt deeply connected to the world around you? Like your effortless existence makes a positive difference?
I’ve been pondering this state lately, especially since re-reading The Courage to be Disliked. The book introduces a concept I like called “Community Feeling”.
Community Feeling is fully believing “I am beneficial to the world” and “my effortless existence contributes positively to the community”. Your community could include other people, and also animals, plants, rocks, the universe, and even everything across all time.
Community Feeling is feeling part of a greater whole.
People who have Community Feeling feel connected to others and have a strong sense of self-worth. Who doesn’t want that?
How do I know if I’m contributing?
You might think, “I’ll know I’m contributing positively when others tell me I am.” But how do you know they’re correct? How do you actually know if you’re contributing positively?
I’m not sure we can.
I used to constantly seek external validation, thinking it would confirm my positive impact. Instead, it left me feeling uncertain and dependent on others' opinions.
Now, I do something different: I have faith. I’m trying my best to do good and be competent, and I trust that good intentions and attempted competence will, on average, lead to better outcomes.
I’m also working on untangling my barriers to feeling Community Feeling.
Common barriers to Community Feeling
Believing others are threats
The more you believe others are threats, the more trouble you will have feeling Community Feeling.
- How comfortable do you feel maintaining your physical autonomy in social situations?Are you able to maintain your emotional autonomy when interacting with others?
Personally, after I became more secure, I became much less afraid of cooperating closely with others.
For example, I used to avoid many social situations because I feared being “controlled” by others’ opinions or expectations. But as I worked on untangling my emotional insecurities, I found that I could maintain my autonomy while still engaging deeply with others.
Doubting others’ efforts or intentions
The more you doubt others’ efforts or intentions, the more you hesitant you will be to form a super-agent with them.
- Do you often assume people are acting out of self-interest rather than genuine care for the community?Have you ever misjudged someone’s intentions and later realized they were trying to help?
Personally, I used to often be skeptical that some others’ efforts were good faith attempts to do good things for the world. Essentially, I believed that they were “evil”. But these days, I believe pretty strongly that everyone is trying their best for their ideal of good. Even criminals, etc. I may not agree with their definition of “good”, but I don’t doubt that they have one.
I’ve seen many people have trouble with this though. They seem to believe that having faith in someone means endorsing their behavior, but it doesn’t.
Doubting the value of others
The more you doubt the value of others, the less you will want to identify with them.
- How often do you find yourself doubting the worth or potential of those around you?Can you recall a time when someone surprised you with their capabilities or kindness?
Personally, I often find myself skeptical of others’ competence (e.g. for others who write about similar topics to this blog). I do not feel Community Feeling when I am in this state! But I’m not yet sure what my resistance is, so I probably have unconscious predictions to untangle here. But even if I don’t appreciate their results I can still appreciate their intentions to work on a problem I agree is important.
Where in your life would you like to feel more connected to others?
Discuss
